avian creature for sale....

the biggest trap I have created is my own...

whether it was set up with purpose or not, it seems that the bars of my own cage is stronger than steel, and as close to each other as molecules in a solid matter...an inescapable space...

I have often told myself, I am a person of many unbelievable qualities. I should be confident, firm and proud of myself...and yet not once in my life have I ever felt so inept, and incapable than little more than a few hours ago when realization struck me that I was enshrouded in a life that prevented me from enjoying the raw and natural me. In a serious conversation I found out that I was never really happy. I was never really free. I was living a caricature life. I was a drawing inside the four lines of a quadrilateral in an editorial. My life is one big boardgame. Every moment is a chessboard move. Calculated, unnatural, awkward and very stiff....governed by the machinations of rules and moves.

What is this Venus fly-trap I am in? It is unlike any wall I have ever faced. What kind of glass encases me that I can see and even appreciate the beauty, dynamism and positivity of others and yet I am unable to feel natural and let them feel that this is what I am?

In a world where masks are necessary to let the world know that we are not just mere pawns but also a character which has worth, significance and value, I am geisha. You will not recognize me because of the pallor of the paint that criss-crosses my face, the crimson hue that caresses my lips, and the comical shades that slices through my eyes.

My movements are the theatrical motions of Geppetto's creations....attached to every joint of my being are strings which are pulled by the selfish desires and wants of a cruel world. I will move with the dip of a forefinger or the tap of a thumb because the hands that move me are the hands of materialism, greed and distorted views of what is deemed beautiful and what is not.

I am not so special after all. I just realized it.