I don't remember feeling as joyous and as free in my life as I am now. I have fashioned myself into the person I have always wanted to sculpt myself into. I am juggling the things I have dreamed of doing in my life. I am healthy, vibrant, athletic, tenacious and feminine all at the same time and this makes me happy. I think the inner happiness translates into the confidence I exude and people see the beauty in a carefree person!
I visited my alma mater, my secondary school a week ago and there were feelings of nostalgia and sweetness and a karmic satisfaction all welled up into one delirious cocktail that engulfed me and totally had me feeling ecstatic as I have never been in my whole life. I walked along the grounds I played on as an innocent child. I came to face the past fears and uncertainty in the room where I was tormented as a young gay person. I walked quite slowly and took in the scenarios. The corridors ran thick with memories, the students resembled doppelgangers of my colleagues. Very little has changed. They are still humble and meek and innocent. The teachers feel awkward. Of course it is natural, I have come back as a woman, a person different from the entity that left their tutelage.
I have come a long way from that restless young person who was still clueless. Not knowing what I really wanted to be. Did I want to sing well and make it an artistic endeavor? Did I want to be an animation artist for Disney? Did i want to be an illustrator for a world-famous comic publication? Did I want to be a badminton athlete, or a tennis superstar who had endorsements left and right? These were the questions plaguing me when I was young. There were people who aided me in my natural aptitudes and tendencies and there were some who were a constant source of negativity and discouragement.
Dance like no one is watching. Thinking of all the people who have done ill to me in my student past, Some of them I have seen struggling in their current circumstance and I can only smile with a Glenn Close smugness because it makes me realize that life isn't always unfair. There is a karmic compass that will point in your direction when you work hard to attain the things you really want for as long as you want them that bad and you never settle for anything less.
Happiness and self-fulfillment can only be achieved by a person who never allows his wings to be clipped and pinned down. When you realize that you cannot please everybody and instead focus your attention on the people who bring in so much positivity into your life then you progress, you blossom as an individual, you are able to move and maximize your potential as a result.
I am free!!!!