So I attribute the austere inactivity and deafening silence of the writer in me to many things. Laziness, writer's block, mental block, sexual block and strange things. Many many strange things are happening internally.
I've come to the realization that the appropriation of a big percentage of my life to more reality-based activities such as working out, partying with friends, late-night forays, grooming young talent for sexual development etcetera is worthwhile and fulfilling not to mention refreshing. I rarely ever went online the past couple of months unless I facebook, perezhilton (showbiz yakks), yahoo group and the occasional odd forum. I hate messenger chats now. Where I was a whiz at managing chat boxes up and down, talking to different types of personalities, kissing ass here and there, now I'm inept and inutile. The occasional email will flutter into my inbox but I've learned to streamline who I talk to. Messages asking me my latest perversion is sure to go to the recycle bin. Messages asking my whereabouts will warrant a second look especially if they're from the close network of people I know from around the world but from some anonymous email who I think maybe the shit-for-brains ex's scheme at lack of attention? Certainly will get the nod of the trash inbox! But gifts of lingerie from anyone? Forever welcome! hahahaha! Waste of time is waste of effort. Waste of effort means the useless expenditure of emotions and energy which I do not really want to partake in these days. I just cannot stand people who stress me too much and are not worth stressing over. God I must be getting old.
There's more to life than just being online. I'm not totally cutting out my online existence of course. My existence is my subsistence HAHA! I am just encouraging everyone to please explore the world away from your keyboards and screens! There is a whole lot to explore and visually exploit. Not everything is Adobe picture-perfect but nothing is NOT worth-experiencing. Go to the beach, hit the cinemas, buy expensive wine, hang out and talk to people, don't be cheap, spend some, earn more! Stop downloading movies, limit your porn torrents (HA! guilty as fuck :P) and your porn photos. The biggest scandals do not happen with the click of a camera, they happen outside your screens. Exercise, buy a racket and USE IT, run, jump, hide and seek! Move your ass before your ass takes a hold of your body. The first one to come and the last one to go is ... OUR BELLY so exercise and get rid of that muffin top! Reminds me of Miss Cross-dressing Eddie Murphy in that hilarious comedy movie.
I guess my everyday existence during the past few months can be summarized in the previous paragraph. It's weird too and I might be legally liable for this so arrest me but I have sort of fallen into the spiral of getting (???) seduced or seducing boys younger than me. Barely legal too? MAYBE! Am I pedophile-ic? MAYBE! HELL NO! But I feel the need to share my body, my beauty, and my skills in the boudoir! How strange but still I practice the mantra "Desire me and I will give it to you!" Mutual attraction is paramount and it's easy enough for me anyway HAHAHA (so modest). However the singular young-guy incident that stood out to me was I did not have sex with one I was really attracted to. He's a lot lot younger than me and very intelligent and quite entrepreneurial. We watched online (duh!!!) movies, ate breakfast together and slept together but hey my God I proved to myself I could sleep with another male, so close that no compact disc (do they still manufacture theseeee???) could come between us WITHOUT having to copulate with him!!!! Armageddon is here...
The issue of the network of friends that I allow into my circle, well that certainly really shaped up how I spent the past few months because really there is no need to pursue broken friendships. Even if the friendship seemed vital and long-lasting, you can never really tell WHO has changed or whether I have changed in the process. The few people I allow into my life now are those I have proven to have no subterfuge, no intentions. I do enjoy friends, laughs and bonds but hey in the end I am the type of person who never really trusts anyone. Sad but it's the only real way to exist for me.
And lastly one of the chanteuses who truly shaped the soundtrack of my life has gone to another phase of existence. This also became a source of depression for me especially last week. I've listened and sung to her many tunes (gosh so pop!) LOL but truly if you wring the essence out of her music, there is a lot to relate to, a lot to cherish and a lot to attribute certain parts of our lives to. A true talent of fantastic proportions, and a remarkable identity in our music world I don't think we will ever find another voice like hers. RIP Miss WH.
Wow I need a doctor. These are probably symptoms of a looming mid-life crisis. Gosh I'm too young for that crap! I wonder how I will look like when that happens. Come to think of it, I don't think I'll get anywhere near that phase...hey what did I tell you? DYING YOUNG! :-)