A most eerie hobby I have acquired probably due to the boredom of a sedate lifestyle is the passive viewing of unknown people's profiles and most especially their photos. Blame it on sheer boredom, blame it on the proliferation of so many networking and dating websites all around the world wide web, or blame it on my nosy ways, it has become a preoccupation that baffles me.
I have no idea how this crept up into my daily routine. I guess it all started out with viewing people I know. I pore over their images and my imagination starts to play its part. I envision their daily routines and lives and the way they party and the way they act crazy just by looking at their albums. I smile at their silly little gestures or I laugh at how they portray themselves to be online. Then at one point or another I probably moved onto viewing people they are with. People I may be familiar with but have never gotten around to become acquaintances with. I have always wanted to shake hands and introduce myself to them but maybe it's the lack of effort, my own shyness at the moment of truth or just wrong timing and place...I don't know..strange isn't it? How could a world be so small and yet so big?
Then I started to look at people on their list whom I do not even know and started looking at their photos too. The same old pattern ensues, the familiar amusement at imagining how they live their lives and what alcohol they love to drink, what clothes they love to wear, the gestures they display in the images. It has all evolved to a point where I am now viewing profiles of people I do not even know and have in no way whatsoever any kind of liaison with. I know sometimes i look at it from a third-person perspective and I find myself asking, why do you enjoy this? Why are you doing this even? There is no ground of familiarity with these people, why do you take a peek into their lives like a voyeur seeking comfort for herself? (Please I am not a perv so don't make this statement out as objectively as it seems to be.)
I think the answer lies in that juxtaposed against my own complex and intricate life, the lives they lead are so much more ordinary and worldly than mine. They live a life that is closer to reality and more down-to-earth. They work hard, they earn, they visit their uncle's or grandson's or godson's or grandma's birthdays and they enjoy the occasion. They laugh, they cajole and cavort in many ways. They drink and get drunk, they eat more than their bodies can contain and they never check their weight. They seem happy and contented. Whereas the life I lead now has become a bit more complicated. I have placed too many boundaries and restrictions on myself. I watch my weight like experts checking seismic valves. I diet like a Spartan. I am constantly oppressed by the reactions of people who look at me and seemingly judge me. It is an extremely claustraphobic lifestyle sometimes. There is no definition to what makes me happy these days, I cannot be contained by simple joys anymore. I am eccentric, I hide, I avoid people and I indulge in pleasures that most people would never dream of.
This strange-ish hobby of peeking into other people's lives on their online personas, this is like looking through a glass wall at Earthlings while I am in a world where the pace is too fast, the people demand too much, the glitter of gold is too bright, anorexia and latex grooved condoms are as common as night and day - a fucked-up Utopia. I know that is an oxymoron but then that's how I want to describe it. My world is called a fucked-up Utopia...
(Note: PS if i have done anything offensive by posting your photos here on this blog please feel free to email me for removal. Thanks guyssss hugsssss )
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