Sunday, November 23, 2008

a dimension one owns....

There is always a point in our everyday lives where we forget about everything and just long to remain in that particular dimension and think of little or nothing else. We always retreat to that moment each day for our own personal reasons. Resistance of a destructive thought, comfort for our battered ego, or refuge for our weary minds, meaningful forays into happier times? It doesn't matter. We long to retreat to that point in space because we reach a state of NO-THOUGHT or LITTLE THOUGHT.

My mindless space takes on flesh and reality when I am in the act of running. When I am running, whether listening to music or not, I just follow a path, lines on a track, or the borders of a field and as far as I am concerned that is the only thing that occuppies space in my thoughts. I have found this endeavor to be my solitary confinement but it is not a dark space of uncertainty with a single thin line of brightness against a dark unknown world. It is an instant where I can just blank myself from anything cerebral and trudge on following the white line, watching my shoes come down on the ground from an elevated perspective, wipe the beads of sweat occasionally from my face, shove my hair out of my face if its getting in my eyes' ways, adjust my ponytail, click on my player if I dont like the music because it's slowing me down with its melancholic tempo....

Occasionally tears might run down my face! I have no idea if it's sweat escaping the barricade of my brows and streaming through to my lashes and onto my eyes or if these are genuine products of emotional blockage cracking up because of the failure of my desistance to let myself go. But most often it's the unexpected smile that's often seen by an outsider because I have let a funny or trivial thought intrude my mind in my zone of BLANKNESS...

I intend to keep this habit of mine for a long time simply because it's a worthy sojourn into an unknown state of myself. I am sure and yet unsure of what I am going to think or what I'm not going to think and this in itself makes it such a valuable exercise for my exhausted mind. My being enters into a strange homeostasis which keeps everything in a healthy balance and doesn't allow waverings from any part of me whether it be physical or mental. You should find your own sanctum of SEDATION too people. Believe me it works for me and I know it will work for you...

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

musings of an ex-birthday girl

i know i owe everyone a birthday blog!

Not that it's an absolute obligation for me really as my toasted brain rarely allows me to think these days..

But anyway my birthday was a pretty sad one...

As I would describe it whenever my friends asked me how it went and how my brief overseas birthday trip went...uneventful, nothing worth-writing, and even the lowest point of my life... thank God the last description never reached their ears...well it will now if they read this....

My personal life is in shambles. I am a confused creature right now. I don't know what the future has in store for me.

I used to love peanuts and adored him and worshipped him and gave my life to him literally but he hasn't been too forgiving towards me the past coupla weeks...

I guess I can really say what goes around comes around...I wasn't too nice anyway to someone just before my birthday last year when I broke his heart too...I am so sorry if you are reading this my Perth friend. You should be happy I have finally gotten what I took a year but it did come....

And now peanuts keeps on coming back into my life eventhough I want him out of it badly. Calls me landline, my mobile, my mom's mobile....hell if our dog had a mobile I bet he would have been pestering him too....

I don't want him anymore. I'm disillusioned with his promises and thoughts and impatience and yearnings and did I mention promises? I'm tired of the sacrifices, and everything I've ever had to deal with because of him...

I don't think I'm cut out for a life of commitment. I swear I said somewhere in this blog I just want a short life for myself. Short like a butterfly's rather than long like a worm's. So why should I opt for a connection that will bind me to something right?

Please talk to me people. I am really at an all-time low. Look even if you curse me continually I don't care. I guess words will be enough to keep me sane, atrocious or not...

Sunday, October 12, 2008

to slumber or not to slumber? AMAZING RACE ASIA 3

Are we going to see an episode where the "quit-when-tough" attitude is finally going to go out the window?

Let's see...

The infusion of commercialism into the race has been subtle but very incongruous. Of course any intelligent television outfit would see the benefit of sponsors to keep a show running. And the Amazing Race is not by any means gonna veer away from that belief.

The teams had to go into a Sony Style Electronics store to choose among a selection of one thousand CDs, place one inside a DVD player and see if the words "CORRECT (rest of the statement LOL)" would pop up on the television screen to be able to get their first clue.

This seemed easy enough if you have repetition, luck and patience at your side as key components in finishing. Luck was totally lacking though in the case of Ida And Tania who were almost ready to give up after they saw team after team leave the room. But they decided not to incur the four-hour penalty by just crawling through the mountains of CDs.

Luck only plays a certain percentage THOUGH in this tricky venture, patience would rather be a virtue a team wants to acquire here. This was why Mai and Oliver were stuck for hours inside the store until it closed at night time. And to think most of them came in at the opening hours of the store in the AM.

The Chinese guys Sam and Vince however created their own luck during the next couple of moments. The first to finish at the Sony Store, both of them were very lucky to face the ONLY ever Fast Forward in the Race. Fast Forward is a situation where both teams can bypass all the tasks and straight into the next Pit Stop by accomplishing something. This one dictated that they had to have tattooes to get the Fast Forward opportunity. With only a bit of hesitation they proceeded to the designated tattoo parlor afterwhich they proceeded to finish the race by being first at the pitstop naturally after finishing only one task!!!

Team Hong Kong seems to be a heavy favorite going into the final three as of speaking time :)

Many of the teams are stuck at the Sony establishment for some time while others will never get through.

Henry and Bernie are the next team to take on the next Road Block task of digging through a pile of coal inside a cart to retrieve a souvenir, a smallish coin. A Road Block requires only one teammate finish a job. This one requires Herculean proportions and Einstein-like precision because not only do you have to toil through the digging but you also have to be alert for the tiny souvenir in case you miss it and pile it among the rubble! Hahaha. But since A.D. and Fuzzie were present in the coal mine compound with Henry and Bernie, both teams decided to help each other by identifying the souvenir whoever finishes first.

Geoff and Tisha fought a lot while driving around looking for the Coal mine museum. Team Philippines appears to be crumbling emotionally because of Geoff's clear lack of patience and snappy ways. Like many of the teams that had become desperate with the problems brought about by directions in the map and with the confusing roads of Taiwan, they enlisted the help of a taxi eventually....

After digging through the dirt in the musem, the teams were faced with a Detour, Pick or Pail...

The Pick task dictates the players to bring out their precision and powers of estimation by picking up three stuffed toys inside a toy machine. First team to accomplish this would be able to get through to the next Pit Stop....

Unbelievably Mai and Oliver are still stuck at the Sony Style store sifting through the CDs from the very first task, and the mood is not jovial and energetic anymore. Trudging through the seemingly mountainous pile of CDs, they talk about giving up and incurring the four hour penalty....I was disheartened to see this scenario as the Thai team was among my favorites :(

Forward to the second task in the Detour, Pail required the team to go to the Grand Tong Temple to fill a bucket of water and then carry the pail through the stone steps to a monk waiting on top of the hill with his measuring stick to gage the correct amount needed. This was work reminiscent of a Bruce lee movie where the martial arts king carried two bucket loads of water through a flight of stairs towards the top of a temple as his apprentice duties dictated him. Eventhough this was not so easy for both women, Ida and Tania eventually labored at not spilling too much water while climbing through the steps. With a sigh of relief as the monk's stick indicated they had brought him just the right amount of water, they had just wisped through to the next pitstop.

The second team to finish HOURS later after Sam and Vince were Henry and Bernie and then A.D. and Fuzzie. Geoff and Tisha were fourth and Ida and Tania finished fifth.

The Thai team were never able to get out of the Sony Style Store. They relegated all their tasks to the next day and decided to sleep in their car with the hopes of renewed vigor in the morning.

But they never make it through to the store opening as host Allan Wu knocked them out of their exhausted slumber by waking them with a knock on their windows. He announced depressingly that all the teams had checked in so they would virtually be the last team to finish. They were eliminated from the race!
This signalled the end of the Thai team's quest for glory and it was a depressing way to end it....This quite astounded me because the Thai team was a young and rigorous tandem and were as "never-say-die" as any of the other teams left in the competition. This kind of behavior was so unlike them....
Ohhh now all of the Thais in the race are eliminated starting off with Pailin, the beauty queen in the third race and then now, Mai and Oliver....
A bad day for Thailand indeed on the fifth leg of the race!!!!!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008


i am no stranger to change...

i have been through a lot of changes in my life, both physical, and mental, as well as in many aspects of my social and cultural upbringing...

the beautiful background in my blog suggests a new beginning for blog has always been a barometer of the changes brought about by the windmills of time and fate in my has always been reflective of my mood at the moment and my own sorrows and happinessses...and it has contained so many of my eccentricities as well as my momentarily relevant pursuits....

Aren't terminals the platform for the transportation of commodities and people and indirectly the stage for the movement of ideas from one place to another?

This is why I have chosen the sublime background of a terminal/subway station.

I feel that I am in a period of great transition and change which is why outwardly I have felt it is very relevant to utilize a background which symbolically stands for movement and dynamism...

I just want to remove the cobwebs that have prevented me from progressing and mobilizing my life into another dimension which is why I have started in no place like own heart and blog...

Everyone's support has been superb for me and my arrival into such a segment of my life has been facilitated by people who have helped me tremendously with sound advice and unrelenting encouragement...

Goodbye old leaf...Hello to the new leaf of my life...

Note: i would like to thank the website (which is one of my favorite website reviews on digital cameras) for letting me use the gorgeous picture as my background...

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Saturday, October 4, 2008

the usual suspect - Amazing Race Asia!!!

For the second leg in a row, it seems from almost the very beginning we could obviously pick the loser of this part of the race....

The contestants had to fly from Hue to Ho Chi Minh and then onto the country of Taiwan for their next set of tasks and the next pitstop. It was pretty disappointing as the airport in Hue was closed for the night therefore no outgoing flights were on course. Most of the contestants were on the same plane towards the Ho Chi Minh and then Taipei as the airport opened only at a certain time of day.

The minute they set foot on Taiwan, there were marked cars waiting for them outside the airport. Tisha was so happy the gears were on automatic LOL. They then had to drive to the capital city, Taipei, for their next set of tasks. Trouble sets in for the Indian team of Niroo and Kapil as they find themselves stuck with vehicular trouble as the keys to their car got stuck inside the ignition key. Tantrums arose as arguments over directions ensued. The father and son tandem threatened to just quit it right then and there but grudgingly trudged through the whole race ironically.

The rest of the teams found themselves facing a Detour. It is a point where they have to choose one among two tasks to make it through to the next destination. The two tasks are called, "Shoot it or Shape it." In "Shoot it" they need to take a picture of the Amazing Race Asia card inside a miniature museum. The catch is the card has also been miniaturized haha! So this is quite a task for those who do not want to strain their eye looking for the clue. "Shape it" is a task they have to do in the middle of the Rao He Street market where they have to make four forms out of pieces of a Chinese puzzle. Most of the teams opt for the Shoot It task while only A.D. and Fuzzie chose the Shape it task.

The teams after completing the task, had to go to the Institute of the Blind to decode their next clue. In Braille!!! The Braille system is a series of dots placed strategically together to indicate letters of the English alphabet. Surprisingly, most of the teams breeze through the task which is totally astounding to me! I suppose the Braille system would be better learned by people with sight rather than blind people??? LOL

After picking up the next clue, the Malaysian team of Ida and Tania are first on this part of the race to get to the Chinese restaurant where a Roadblock awaits them. This Roadblock designates only one teammate to accomplish the task. One of them has to eat a big bowl of a tofu dish. Seems easy enough except that this recipe has duck blood, fermented tofu and vegetables inside it. And the stink is overwhelming.

As Ida volunteers to sit down and feast on the dish LOL, she makes a fatal error of eating slowly whereas digesting the food faster would have been the easier route. The result is a tear-stricken, vomitting and agonized Ida after a coupla minutes plowing through the horrid dish! If there was a most genuine episode of suffering during the whole race it would have been this moment where Ida is just crying because of the foulness of what she was trying to consume and Tania was encouraging and motivating her companion to finish the whole disgusting bowl! The Chinese team from Hong Kong breezes through the whole task exclaiming that they weren't Chinese if they could not eat anything at all hahahaha Damn right!!! Almost a coupla hours later, Niroo and Kapil never finished the bowl and opted for the 4-hour penalty.

Not surprisingly and most well-deserved, Ida and Tania where the first to race to the pit-stop where their host Allan Wu and a pretty Chinese thing waited to greet them there. Sam and Vince are in next place with Mai and Oliver in third place. The last team as expected is Niroo and Kapil as they did not accomplish the Stinking Tofu task and therefore incurred the time penalty. Father is very quick to defend his son saying he is unable to compete mentally anymore.

Oh well even if Team Philippines finished second to the last, I hope they make it better in the next round!!!! Go Team Singapore and Thailand!!!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

no excuse pretty!!!

Amazing Race Episode 3

As cited in our last entry, there is no excuse for losing in this gruelling competition. Whether you look like a goddess or teach for a profession, you will lose fair and square if you don't make it to the pit stop...

Vietnam is a beautiful country and I was set to go there late in January until last minute plans were made which sidetracked me back to Singapore.

Our race teams start from the Museum of Vietnamese History in Hoh Chi Minh. They must catch a bus to their next destination Hue, in Central Vietnam. The deal is Hue is 1000 km away from Ho Chi Minh and the bus will take 25 hours to get there. In the confusion that was the purchasing of tickets, some teams misunderstood the bus cashiers saying 25 minutes or an hour and a half instead of the whole day journey ahead of them. Well they were just shell-shocked to find out how far it was.

The team's next task when they reached Hue was to change the tires and oil of the truck they were going to use while setting on about in their tasks while within Hue. Some of the teams set about doing the task like one two three as far as vehicle mechanical repair and maintenance are concerned while others lumbered in a flurry of grease, rust and heat from the metal tools due to exposure from the overhead sun.

As far as I'm concerned Natalie and Pailin seemed to be the teams on the losing end because Natalie expressed her exhaustion and discouragement at what the competition had thrown her way so far. Even while Pailin was asking her to help with replacing one tire, Natalie was like dropping her shoulders and showing her lack of motivation. Pailin even had to tell her to at least try in a really disconcerted tone.

The teams then drove to Khai Dhin tomb where their next task was found. The next task, a Road Block, where only one teammate can operate while the other stands by does not prove helpful for the two beauty queens again. The task to be completed is to look for seven coins from a neighboring tomb called Minh Mang tomb. The coins represent each of the seven emperors that ruled the Nguyen dynasty. The catch is they have to arrange the coins in chronological order in the Khai Dhin tomb with respect to the reign of each emperor. Natalie wanted to uplift her team's mood so she volunteered for the task but it took her another trip to the other tomb to try and finish what she was doing and eventually the fact that she gave up gave their team a penalty of four hours!!!

In the end of course because of this penalty their team lost. I guess so many of the Natalie and Pailin fans were distressed at their loss but even half-way across the show Natalie's attitude sucked big time and her lack of motivation almost delayed the inevitable anyway....Pailin did not hide her discouragement at their loss. She said it takes two to make a team float so she could never quite understand why Natalie did not even try...and it's sad too because of course their superstar looks make the show more interesting although I'm sure the competition will continue to thrive without them...

Onwards to the next episode and good luck to team Singapore, Philippines and Mai and Oliver LOLOLOL !!!!

(Thank you AXN asia official website for the photos!!!)

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Race!!!

The past few weeks I have been absorbed by this reality show, The Amazing Race Asian version Season 3 on AXN! I could never seem to watch the initial primetime showing every Thursdays but by hell they replay it more than four times during the week so it's easy enough to keep track hehe...And the best thing is the action and excitement never diminishes even if you watch it on the last replay...oh well unless somebody who watched the earlier shows tells me who gets eliminated LOLOL

The Amazing Race is a hit reality TV show which features a series of races through different landmarks in several countries in Asia। The beauty of this show is that it not only features various spots in a particular country but it also highlights and incorporates the culturality of a particular nation into the tasks needed to be accomplished within the race। The teams have to reach a pit stop to win a particular race series. One by one, the teams that finish last in getting to a pit stop get eliminated until the final three left go into the final race. The series are held all over different nations.
The race factors in obstacles that have been part and parcel of the show। With such interesting terms such as Road Blocks, Fast Forwards, Yields, Intersections and Detours, these obstacles are sure to throw in numerous twists and turns to the race। The show is a hit coupled with a lot of drama, competition, intense excitement and tougher challenges for the 10 teams from all across Asia. The producers of this show have made sure that the challenges in the NEW season were designed to test the team's relationships as well as their make their strengths shine through. The contestants are chosen from all over Asia and usually the combinations are interesting. There are celebrity beauty queens, father and son teams, cousins, siblings and almost every gregarious pair which makes for the excitement of the encounters.
Look out for celebrities from your countries too! Models, actors, almost anyone with a name could be in the race and surprisingly enough even the occasional unknown personality could crop up in the interest of television edibleness :)। Actually the best part of the show is that everyone is equal, given the tasks they have to fulfill as well as the frustrations they have to undergo. There is no showbusiness, no beauty pageant and no drama act in the race for glory!!! This is the real beauty of this show...
The gorgeous Allan Wu hosts the show but his hosting leaves a lot to be desired although he is delectable enough for television and well every television show deserves an attractive face to banner it hehehe....

And of course the show will not be without these people...Here they are...Our contestants!!!
1) Pailin Rungratanasunthorn and Natalie Glebova - tested and tried beauty queens as Pailin is a Miss Thailand Universe runner-up and Glebova won the Miss Universe of 2005 for her country Canada.
2) Bernie and Henry Chan - Siblings from Malaysia. Bernie is a model and hosted Project Runway Malaysia while her brother is a chef and restaurant ओव्नेर

3) Vince Matthew Chung and Samuel Wu - Hailing from Hong kong, Vince is a comedian show host and was once a teacher while Samuel is a top player of the word game Prolific.
4) Ida Nerina and Tania Khan - our second Malaysian team. Ida is an actress, director and producer while Tania is a property developer.

5) A.D. Chan and Faeza Sirajudin - describing themselves as colorful best girl friends from Singapore, A.D. is a freelance writer while Faeza (Fuzzie) is a teacher from Singapore. This pair is one of my favorite for the race simply because of their bubbly personalities!

6) Geoff Rodriguez and Tisha Silang - boyfriend and girlfriend from the Philippines, Geoff is a model while Tisha is a business development manager। They have been together for three years and says they are the classic example of "opposites attract." This is the second of my favorite pair because of Geoff har har

7) Visa (Mai) Sarasas and Oliver Faivre - male and female best buds from Thailand, Mai is an actress and a model while Oliver is a student and model from the Land of Smiles. This is my third favorite team because of OLIVERRRR लोलोल

8) Niroo Asrani and Kapil Asrani - Father and son team from India, Niroo is an actor and Kapil is an HR executive. They describe they connection as that of very good friends rather than father and son.

9) William and Isaac Hong - Football is the name of the game these two brothers are immersed in. But rather than playing the sport both of them are agents for football players in Korea. William also hosts football shows on Korean television.

10) Neena and Amit Rai - our second team from India, Neena is a model and an artist while her cousin Rai has his hands full in real estate consultation.

Since I started writing about this race just now I will start with Episode no। 4 in my next blog entry. Teams no. 1, 9 and 10 have already been eliminated :) Beauty queens are not respected in this race haha and the sheer gruesome schedule as well as temperature-soaring conditions have taken their toll on these three teams. But the rest of the surviving contestants will rock on and I will be there to follow their quests for the ultimate prize, the honor of winning Amazing Race Asia Season 3 as well as many remunerations which the show's sponsors and producers have provided !!! Good luck guys (particularly Team Philippines LOLOL)

(thank you to the official site of Amazing Race Asia AXN for the photos!!!)

Saturday, September 27, 2008


i know im probably too late about voicing how impressed how I am with this Filipina considering she is now world-famous but this obscure karaoke random performance coupled with the pounding of the carpenter's nails on their walls completely just stopped my heart!!! hahaha!!!
Well I've always been one to look for a unique way to look at an artist including which parts of her impress me hehehe
This is probably her FIRST performance that has truly stopped me and kept me clicking rewind hehehe

Friday, September 26, 2008


my twin sister, the bitch will love this...!!!!

(FYI: model Agyness Deyn in a Jean Paul Gaultier perfume ad)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Diss me Diss me Diss me!!!

Hahahaha! So many people write comments on my blog with the intention of putting me off, threatening me, killing me, spitting at me and hurling insults!!! OF COURSE their comments never make it to the main page HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

Well....y'all can kiss my ass and I'd be on my merry way!!! No one touches the Winklergirl!!!!

To all my fans of course....we RULE!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Could I be happy?

Everything I have ever trusted in is starting to take on a facade of gossamer and falsehood. I have never felt this trapped in my life. I want to know who I can trust my most well-kept secrets with but it seems anyone within my life is far from being trustworthy.

Cracks are everywhere in our lives, we tend to look at a tiny crack and think to ourselves this is nothing. It will most likely repair itself after some time. But when we take a look a little bit later we've found that the crack has become a massive gaping hole which is beyond fixing. This is the situation with most people.

My scenario is worlds different. I never saw a misplaced part of the puzzle. I never found anything that was alarming. It just suddenly rocketed on me that the only thing I could ever give my trust to had suddenly become a huge cave of lies and deceit. How come I never saw this coming? What have I done wrong? Did I worship this thing too much which is why the bewilderment at its betrayal is beyond description? What will I do now that it has destroyed anything I have ever believed in?

I am a confused creature more so now that at any other point in my life. I used to be gregarious, dynamic and my zest for adventure was immeasurable. I felt that my productivity and thirst for anything novel could not be bound by any external stimulus. Now I am just a bag of discord and anxiety. There is now a lack of certainty that was not in the least bit evident a few months ago. The nymph that was once nimbling from one escapade to another is now a shivering sprite that wants to just forget about the despair she is now in....

Talk to me...

Monday, September 8, 2008

Unmask thyself

Would you believe at one point or several in my life I aspired to acquire the pallor of a British actress? The complexion of those Chinese college girls strutting around university grounds and halls was so enviable to me!!! This obssession was prevalent in my days as a young collegiate student. Somehow colleagues manage to give me the assumption that the lighter your skin color was the more attractive you were. I hated my darkish skin as if it were a malady which had ruined the pink of my health haha

Hour upon hour, bleach powder on top of whitening soap on top of fruit extract astringent, the tedious process of turning my skin Lucy Liu-esque filled my whole schedule when I was not in school. I virtually turned my room and our bathroom into a whirlwind of flu-inducing powder and repulsive toxic smells.My Mom was scolding me to the heavens after each and every "mortuary" session in the hopes that I would come out with a Winona Ryder pallor haha...

Of course my efforts failed miserably!!!! Because my mom had dark skin and the genetic strain well...strained onto me, her only Negroid daughter LOL, it was impossible to defy genetics! Plus it would have taken a miracle to lighten my skin because I was naturally dark. You cannot change complexion well maybe you can make it lighter but you are always going to belong to the same hue in the human palette of skin shades! I never quite succeeded despite my valliance and loyalty to these routines. The results of such a regimen were disastrous! My body hair turned so white it looked like that of a street dog's haha My skin became so dry it seemed parchmental in texture...

A few years later I stopped all these. Then when I started travelling I began to somehow just enjoy and accept the reality of my natural darkish skin tone. This was probably because the Gospel of Moisturising preached itself unto me. I started to just invest in good lotions and I just liked the glow of dark(!!!) but very supple and taut skin. Also I discovered a few cosmetic brands which helped colored women look more natural when they wore makeup. Thank God for MAC makeup!!! hahahah I have a rather sizeable collection of brushes and powders and creams which celebrate my complexion! hehehe

I also have to give credit to the fact that in many ways the world had become small for me and appreciation of dark-skinned women became more visible in today's media. This was like finally finding the Valhalla of Norse beauty for me hehe. Plus many people began to compliment me me on how nice my skin was. It was a heady feeling for someone who not ten years ago felt so ugly because of her dark skin.

I know I am against all kinds of complacency especially when it comes to my looks but I realise that in many ways somehow the true meaning of satisfaction is appreciating and making do with what you already possess. Changing yourself constantly will only be a tiring process which will leave you suffocated just as I felt nauseous with the whitening powders i used to dab on my skin. Lesson learned...enjoy yourself, your beauty and thenyou will realize life becomes smoother and easier by doing so :)

Thursday, September 4, 2008

embrace imperfection

when you look at this face you see so many imperfections....

my nose looks a bit skewed, my skin doesn't look that nice because of the lack of sleep, stress brought unto my own self LOL and well maybe toxins brought about my Cebu's atmosphere plus perhaps my hormonal imbalances! My hair looks horrible and unwashed. I can go on and on and on....

of course I can only conclude that like many facets of my life, my face is not that perfect...

About two months ago or less than that comments branding my blog as the advertising scheme of a petulant whore perpetuated my emails. Naturally it never made it to the main blog site hahaha!!! But it certainly hit me when I thought my life was going smooth-sailing...and it righteously hit the right parts too. I never knew someone still really would bother to stir my free flowing stream of a life out of the rush of the old life I had but then again there are many people who MAY NOT really like me at all LOL.

But as time settled all ripples I realized the most natural thing in this world for a girl like me was that we cannot please everyone. We may be perfect to one pair of eyes but we are a sore to another pair! Our thoughts and opinions may be pleasing to one set of people but it might be querulous and bothersome to another convention of people. The beauty about this world is we are here because we have agreed to agree AND disagree ....incorrect or not? hehehe

When it comes down to it, all I can really do is to caress my imperfections as well as my own positive attributes. Because no one else can do it for me (unless it's my husband hehe), because no one else can love me like I love myself and because no one else is capable of such atrocities or positivities except me hehehe!!!

Thursday, July 31, 2008

lub this....:) a LIVE performance.....from 120 years and several hairstyles and dress senses ago..... miss HOUSTON!!!!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

i shall eat cake

Let me tell you a beautiful story...

This is all about a young boy who more than twenty years ago was insane about cake. He was not insane about the velvety softness of the core inside a cake. Probably like any other youngish child he was insane about the icing, the sweet substance above the layers of flour and eggs. The topmost crust that was colorful and enticing to everyone who saw a well-baked cake. He loved to lick the icing off his small fingers and the sides of his lips. The sweetness totally drowned him in a wonderful sea of untold delights.

Because of this gastronomic obsession he visited his aunt's house almost everytime she made cake for a big birthday celebration among relatives or for orders from outside customers. His aunt was a fairy at creating sublime delicacies and aphrodisingly delicious cakes of all forms and tastes. The young boy would wait in anticipation as the aunt brewed wondrous pastries of untold richness of taste. However not once would he consume a slice of the cake. What he was after was the icing that would be left over. This was the creamy paste that did not make it to the finishing touches of the cake. The cake would not need anymore icing so there was a lot of leftover cream on her bowls . He would gorge himself on the the bowls of cream with different colors and experience one of his earliest encounters with gastronomical highs.

But for a certain period the young boy was pulled from his childly habit of waiting for leftover icing from his aunt's baking sessions. He became busy with school, friends, the outside world. He went onto adventures away from home and completely became detached from his aunt's house who he used to visit often to see if something was brewing in the kitchen. He became a child of the world.

Then one day after so many years he decided to visit his aunt's house to see if she was making something. She was baking something delicious! The familiar smell quelled the primitive juices of his palate. He was back home. He waited for his aunt to finish with her concoction but to his surprise there was very little icing left in her magical bowl. He also noticed the cake was not as big as before too. Of course...a smaller cake with less icing! The boy became sad over this. This was a sadness that consumed his character.

Suddenly a thought hit him from nowhere. Times were hard. People were sacked from their jobs. Money was hard to come by. The country was in a bad state. Not so many people were willing to part with money that easily anymore. The boy grieved not for the way people spent their money or how much cakes cost nowadays though. He was sad for his aunt. She was not the same vibrant, magical, and glib personality he had known before. She was a bit slower now, less loud and probably was not earning as much as before. She baked fewer cakes this time.

The boy overcame his own selfishness and prayed for his aunt. He prayed she would not create more delicious pastries in the future but instead prayed she would become happier even if she baked less concoctions. He missed the times when he was at her table and like a predator snatched her leftover icing. That was a thing of the past he realized. Now he had overcome this selfishness and realised there was much more to life than icing on top of the cake....

Monday, July 21, 2008

urban children's legend?

I read about this stuff on which is really one of the most groundbreaking blogs I have ever read in all of my blogging history. The story affected me so much eventhough I have written a blog about it. I felt compelled to write something again just to speak what was in my mind and heart.

There is no doubt that the harvesting of the organs of individuals in the last legs of their lives is a medical practice that has thrived in a world where millions of people with unhealthy body parts require them.

And there is no doubt that in many instances the most dehumanizing and demoralizing practices to acquire them happen. And this is not an urban legend.

Now the most chilling news to ever reach my ears on this topic....the planned and organised kidnapping of Filipino children to feed the insatiable economic market of organ acquisition and donation....

Is there any way a country can go this low? I am not aware of the inhuman acts happening in other countries but this has to be one of them. Can Filipinos actually do this to their fellowmen? The disturbing answer is yes they can....

The article below is frightening. The actual taking of innocent lives to harvest their living organs for their market value is more than a cardinal sin. Children being snatched by a group of people which includes a doctor, a 'security team,' driver and etc. so their healthy body parts can be removed to be stashed as merchandise for an insatiable market? Afterwhich their lifeless bodies are stuffed with Philippine pesos as compensation and left in the most unlikely of places? Their parents finding them afterwards in this horrific state.

This is an act that goes beyond Satanic. Has the Philippines become so poor that its people will heartlessly resort to such an act to float itself in a sea where survival of the fittest is defined by economic status? Would the world actually tolerate these acts of inhumanity and monstrosity to feed this profitable trade?

My eyes could not keep from crying when I read the article below. Can you imagine if this happened to my niece? My friend's son? My classmate's daughter? A neighbor's baby? What about if it happened to someone in your family? Your friends? The people closest to you?



As far back as 1995 Father Shay Cullen SSC Preda came out with a Document Titled: Killing Children For Their Organs that was published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer on the incidence of these new crimes happening in third world countries, to quote.

Yes this is the horrific trade that is taking the lives of thousands of children around the world. Not much has been heard about it but the evidence is mounting. There is a huge demand and a monied market in both developing and Northern countries for body parts especially eyes, hearts and kidneys of children.

A kidney or eyes can fetch $10,000, a heart $50,000 or more.

As a result the black market in children's organs for transplants is growing. With prices like that criminals will commit any crime. Impoverished parents are sometimes persuaded to sell their children's eyes or a kidney for as little as $500.

Trafficking in children's organs is the new crime against humanity together with selling children for sex.

A report based on the same study indicates an alarming crime, to quote:

In Pangasinan a 12 year old boy who was picked up by a brown van and brought to Manila where with several other children they were drugged and brought to a building that smelled like a clinic where they kept under guard. This boy recovered from the drugged sleep and escaped.

In recounting his story it became clear that the children were to undergo some operation although none were sick. Relatives of a youth who died from a fall from a Manila overpass claimed that in the hospital he was allowed to die - for his organs. Although this was never proven.

Lately, there has been a resurgence of the incidence according to Jean Stuart of Ground Report but PNP denies it is happening, to quote:

In Ibaan, Batangas four children were abducted. One of them were found with the pair of eyes missing and with Php 30,000 pesos on his/her mouth. Three were found with missing internal organs. There was also report in Tanauan, Batangas with a missing heart and Php 8,000 pesos on the hole of the victim’s chest. Lately, there have been reports that the kidnappings is not only happening in Batangas. There were also similar incidents in Cavite and Laguna. Last Wednesday, March 5, my friend told me that there was a third year high school student (from a school in San Pedro, Laguna) was abducted on her way home. I still haven’t heard about what happened to the victim.

I heard that a syndicate is behind this kidnapping and they are selling the organs to the black market. Text messages and email messages has been circulating saying that a white van with plate no. VMM 507 is said to be the kidnappers van. In our place the cartographic sketch of the kidnapper and the plate no. of the vehicle used by the kidnapper were posted everywhere.

Yaneehpooh on her multiply page posted the sketch of the suspect saying she saw a news clip on TVPatrol last march 7 regarding a botched kidnapping attempt where the would be victim luckily escape. The incident happened in Cavite where the young woman who was able to resist and escape saw a number of kidnapped children in the van.

In Baguio City a mountain resort in Northern Luzon another Ground Report by NomadicAsian on the subject where news of a failed abduction in one of the schools prompted school officials to suspend classes and sent all their students home.

Said incident occurred in broad daylight last March 6, 2008 (Thursday), though they failed the first time the kidnappers struck again the following day in another school just near the city proper. In said incident one of the kidnap syndicate member was collared by the responding policemen who is now under intense questioning.

Jhoy Imperial in her blog posted what she gathered at the friendster bulletin of her friend regarding 3 cases of kidnappings in San Pedro, Laguna.

In San Pedro a girl student 5th grader was found dead missing a kidney.

Another 3rd grade student also a girl is now in her funeral wake found lifeless, her eyes and heart harvested and P50K found inside her body.

Another case was at the Chrusantemum village where 2 girls were kidnapped; luckily a tricycle driver saw the incident and gave chase, the kidnappers threw the girls out the window and escaped.

At the Reysal supermarket 2 women was almost abducted but because of a group of istambay eyewitnesses rescued them from their abductors.This is almost surreal and unbelievable and it is easy to dismiss these incidents as mere urban legend but as they say better safe than sorry and if you see the following vans with plate number VXE 351 - Green Van and VMM 507 - White Van, report them immediately to the authorities. Just the same children of poverty are the most vulnerable in this heinous crimes if ever this is real and with abuse that our children are subjected to like throwing them in an adult jail I believe that this might just be for real.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Venus is Venezuelan???

In light of the Miss Universe coronation pageant being held tomorrow around 9:00 AM to 9:30 AM Philippine time in Vietnam, I write in tribute to my biggest idols when it comes to feminine beauty. They are the Venezuelans. I have never known any other country who produces the most beautiful faces on the stage of pageants other than this South American nation. Their reputation is uncanny but not surprising at all where their women have been known to take the biggest slice in the purchase of cosmetics throughout the world. Or dress up through their daily endeavors like a Hollywood celebrity clothes herself up for the Oscars or the Emmys! Being beautiful is a an engagement, a duty, and a responsibility in Venezuela as quoted by a website about Venezuelan beauty culture.

Ever since I saw (not in person though) Miss Minorka Mercado compete in the Miss Universe competition in 1994 held here in the Philippines I have been fascinated by the way Venezuela's contestants resemble sculptures of a museum which churns out artworks of astounding physical perfection. Not only are their faces cosmetic wonders but their bodies are to die for. Their grace in the art of walking and sashaying and their bearings are magical dances in the semblance of a magnificent Russian ballet performance. For this reason whenever I have the chance and attention I follow each Venezuelan pageant contestant in every Miss Universe pageant if I can follow it.

Of course we have probably all heard of the numerous world-famous beauty and personality development schools in their country. These future Latina beauty queens are moulded from head to toe, in all aspects of physical perfection from plastic surgery to speech training to posture improvement. Not only do their institutions cater to local women but they also allow foreign beauty contestants who have respect for the sheer professionalism and skill with which they shape pageant winners.

I think I have such great respect and awe for these women because of the hard work, pain and irreplaceable effort and dedication they have given to perfect their craft. Many of them will endure back-breaking hours of the art of walking on heels while watching themselves on mirrors for hours on end. The fitness programs to mold that flabby thigh into slenderness and to eliminate that love handle are long and arduous. Of course the constant need to watch their weight and monitor what they put inside their mouth is essential to eliminate any chance of cellulite in their bodies. The speech classes as well as the lessons of etiquette and grace which enhance their personality development are punishing. The long weeks and the extreme pain endured for the numerous surgeries to manufacture their aesthetic genius are invaluable.

This is my reason for admiring them. For them being a woman is complacency, the willingness to submit to stagnation and remain plain and unubiqitous in a sea of millions. Being just a plain Jane is death for them. They want to stand out through hard work and self-discipline. They want to be Iron Women. Women who are gorgeous, well-mannered and superbly graceful because they choose and work to achieve the many qualities that most women want but would never be caught striving for....

(Many thanks to: for the many beautiful pictures

Saturday, July 12, 2008

love this hate this...LOL

I have no idea why I could never forget this performance by Mariah zillions of years ago...
I mean there's nothing exceptional to it...her voice was not at its spanking best...
She didn't lend justice to the high notes of the song...
She kept waving her hands in a gesture which would immortalize her identity on stage...

But I still love the video...

Maybe it's the way she made the effort to sing a difficult song LIVE?

Ahh I'm hopeless LOL

Sunday, July 6, 2008

tsk tsk tsk more Williams...

Be careful what you wish for indeed!!! hahaha...this was what came to mind when I saw final of the Wimbledon women's singles competition!!! Guess who were there? Williams versus Williams! How boring can you get! LOL

First of all I am a huge fan of the Williams sisters in any kind of tournament they enter. They're exciting, wonderful personalities for any event they enter at. The media swarms around them. When they are around the tourney enjoys a considerable amount of publicity. This translates into moolah and mega-sponsors of course thus affecting an event's longevity and media coverage!

Plus the sisters play flawless tennis when they are at their best. They are at the top of the food chain when it comes to blistering returns, sensational shots and ear-shattering grunts. Their serves are immaculate and their speed is phenomenal. They are sharks in the ocean called tennis....

For some reason as the top seeds in Wimby began dropping like flies I felt happy for the Williams sisters breezing through their draw. I wanted them to do well and even win the event. But as Maria Sharapova, and then Ivanovic began getting kicked out I was kinda worried for my viewing pleasure haha. At the back of my mind the lack of a Sharapova or a Yugoslav girl in the latter part of the competition will take away the sensationalistic appeal of the competition. I guess what was unravelling before me was what I can call overkill. I mean who doesn't want a screeching Sharapova and a wailing Serena in the finals right? Who doesn't want a secret "bitch-eviscerating" match to thrill the people and most of all, us, fans here at home who want to watch a mega-thrilling rivalry unfold!

The final was not short of high quality tennis though. I mean you are talking about the best pair of girls in the tennis world. Do not even start with the hype the sisters get because they're oozing media appeal all over! It's just that the predator in me wants a more satisfying final with lots of controversy and bitches and killer looks in your arena! careful what you wish for indeed :( LOLOL

Saturday, July 5, 2008

can't stop dancing to this!!!

don't forget to click on LAUNCH POPOUT PLAYER if the music doesnt play on the first click!!!

here's the YouTube version if the above player doesn't work!!!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


Oh that football field in elementary school holds so many great memories for me! The Don Bosco grounds were enormous in my standards and titanic for someone who came from a quadrangle which looked like a piece of sandwich (no offense to Saint Joseph's my old school but you do have a small playground). I miss our games of luksong-tinik (displayed in the photos) and luksong-baka and hide and seek and many more SOO much!

I miss the gang of playmates who could create any kind of game out of games. You know like they could make tag more interesting by pretending we were policemen and robbers. The sort of imagination that helps kids have a wonderfully innocent time with each other. We were also fond of looking for places within the premises which the school populace never knew existed in the ocean of our ever-unfathomable school grounds. We would play there of course.

I wish I had the excuse to go back and do all the things I mentioned above as an adult all over again. But alas the reasons and circumstances to do so are absent. I cannot act childish anymore although I can be a child at heart. More importantly, the playmates are not around anymore. They have mini-versions of themselves now. They have tummies and they have wives and big cars now. I see them on the profile sites and I hardly recognize them from the puffy faces brought about by cholesterol, alcohol and all the other face-mutating agents. It's not as if i am UNguilty too anyway as I have had many face-altering surgeries LOLOL...

Now all I have is the internet, internet, the internet. This entity has invaded my life and now i feel claustraphobic in its confines!!! All my time is gobbled up by the internet and I hate it! Badminton sometimes, hits my schedule but it is the internet that takes centerstage in my arena of self-enjoyment. I hate the internet!!! It can never compare to the creativity, naturalness and innocence of school childhood games which may have served to keep us all fit when we were young too!!!

I guess I am just feeling nostalgic here and I am just reminiscing days of my tumultous childhood but for now I want to throw this laptop and be rid of the internet for the moment and just play tag and tagu-taguan (hide and seek) and Japanese game and patintero all over again!!!!!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Iron curtain heroes...

I never did notice the growing trend of Eastern European women dominating sport these days but it suddenly just became so apparent to me when I look at the semifinal lineup of the women's singles tournament in the French Open....It's a Russian woman versus another Russian woman and a Serbian woman against another Serbian woman. The domination of the Iron Curtain ladies is back!!!

For someone who grew up idolizing the sporting glories of the Soviet Union turned Unified Team turned Russia, this is an ideal lineup for me. I think i became conscious about the excitement sport brought into my life during the onset of the Barcelona 1992 Olympics. And this was the last Olympics where Russia and a couple of other Soviet States last dominated the Olympic medal count. As a result I grew up idolizing czarinas and screaming, thick-browed, intense Russian coaches and ice denizens from the Iron Curtain Capital. I became increasingly curious about the so-called "scientific training" their countries offered to their world-class athletes as well as the sporting camps that house these superpeople. What went on behind those walls that they have produced world-record holders and superhuman performers? How were they sculpted and moulded to become larger-than-life figures?

We may never know the secrets behind the Communist sporting regime but controversies continually surround the development of these superstar athletes. First of all the popular belief that there was systematic and immense encouragement of the use of performance-enhancing drugs is very common and has been proven many times I believe. Second the severity of the emotional stress caused by the plucking of very young individuals with a high sporting potential from their families is widely circulated among sports psychologists and analysts. Third, the uncertainty of a financial career outside their sporting glories was almost always inevitable based on many athlete's personal accounts and stories. Think about the emotional distress these people felt when they were showered with attention and revered almost as gods when they could break records and do anything better than us and then being brought back to a humiliating position after their physical flames have died...

For the outsider like me who can do little to help, the best I can do is perhaps admire from a distance these beings who can and were able to run, jump and throw faster, higher and further than me, a mere human being. To wish I were in that position many years ago is perhaps one of the greatest tributes I can give them. To pore over sporting almanacs, articles and read about their invincibility and to afford my admiration would probably be good enough eventhough these people would not have an inkling that from this Third-World, struggling athletic nation, a great admirer lives to revere their sporting glories yesterday until the present....

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