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HAPPY TENTH ANNIVERSARY!!!!


To my companion, my biggest love, my greatest artwork: this BLOG...

all throughout these years I am so happy we have surpassed many an adventure!!!

FOR TEN YEARS NOW STILL THE BEST BLOG in TGIRL WORLD!!!

OFTEN IMITATED BUT NEVER NEVER EVER DUPLICATED!!!

I LOVE YOU BOYSSSSS THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT and LOVE!!!!!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

a dimension one owns....




There is always a point in our everyday lives where we forget about everything and just long to remain in that particular dimension and think of little or nothing else. We always retreat to that moment each day for our own personal reasons. Resistance of a destructive thought, comfort for our battered ego, or refuge for our weary minds, meaningful forays into happier times? It doesn't matter. We long to retreat to that point in space because we reach a state of NO-THOUGHT or LITTLE THOUGHT.

My mindless space takes on flesh and reality when I am in the act of running. When I am running, whether listening to music or not, I just follow a path, lines on a track, or the borders of a field and as far as I am concerned that is the only thing that occuppies space in my thoughts. I have found this endeavor to be my solitary confinement but it is not a dark space of uncertainty with a single thin line of brightness against a dark unknown world. It is an instant where I can just blank myself from anything cerebral and trudge on following the white line, watching my shoes come down on the ground from an elevated perspective, wipe the beads of sweat occasionally from my face, shove my hair out of my face if its getting in my eyes' ways, adjust my ponytail, click on my player if I dont like the music because it's slowing me down with its melancholic tempo....


Occasionally tears might run down my face! I have no idea if it's sweat escaping the barricade of my brows and streaming through to my lashes and onto my eyes or if these are genuine products of emotional blockage cracking up because of the failure of my desistance to let myself go. But most often it's the unexpected smile that's often seen by an outsider because I have let a funny or trivial thought intrude my mind in my zone of BLANKNESS...

I intend to keep this habit of mine for a long time simply because it's a worthy sojourn into an unknown state of myself. I am sure and yet unsure of what I am going to think or what I'm not going to think and this in itself makes it such a valuable exercise for my exhausted mind. My being enters into a strange homeostasis which keeps everything in a healthy balance and doesn't allow waverings from any part of me whether it be physical or mental. You should find your own sanctum of SEDATION too people. Believe me it works for me and I know it will work for you...


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

DELISHHH LEONA!!!!

can't stop....can't stop.....can't stop.....can't stop LISTENING to thishhhhh :D





Tuesday, November 11, 2008

musings of an ex-birthday girl


i know i owe everyone a birthday blog!

Not that it's an absolute obligation for me really as my toasted brain rarely allows me to think these days..

But anyway my birthday was a pretty sad one...

As I would describe it whenever my friends asked me how it went and how my brief overseas birthday trip went...uneventful, nothing worth-writing, and even the lowest point of my life... thank God the last description never reached their ears...well it will now if they read this....

My personal life is in shambles. I am a confused creature right now. I don't know what the future has in store for me.

I used to love peanuts and adored him and worshipped him and gave my life to him literally but he hasn't been too forgiving towards me the past coupla weeks...

I guess I can really say what goes around comes around...I wasn't too nice anyway to someone just before my birthday last year when I broke his heart too...I am so sorry if you are reading this my Perth friend. You should be happy I have finally gotten what I deserve...it took a year but it did come....

And now peanuts keeps on coming back into my life eventhough I want him out of it badly. Calls me everywhere..my landline, my mobile, my mom's mobile....hell if our dog had a mobile I bet he would have been pestering him too....

I don't want him anymore. I'm disillusioned with his promises and thoughts and impatience and yearnings and did I mention promises? I'm tired of the sacrifices, and everything I've ever had to deal with because of him...

I don't think I'm cut out for a life of commitment. I swear I said somewhere in this blog I just want a short life for myself. Short like a butterfly's rather than long like a worm's. So why should I opt for a connection that will bind me to something right?

Please talk to me people. I am really at an all-time low. Look even if you curse me continually I don't care. I guess words will be enough to keep me sane, atrocious or not...