Who was it who said all rationality goes out the window when you are in the hazy and intoxicating presence of someone you have desired for so long? I don't think anybody penned that quote but I suppose something similar has come up in the annals of literary history. Nevertheless these words are not enough to describe this feeling of emotional inertia gone topsy-turvy inside me. Ohh how to shake this off and move on to the normal pace of living I had been accustomed to!
As I write this entry, I am listening to the soothing voice of a female jazz artist, the soft but firm background of piano, bass, acoustics etcetera accompanying her. It is an organized mess which weaves waves of tone and symphony around the abode I am in. It is tres fantastic, molto inspiring and mucho magnifico. It is making my fingers type and my mind think of moments. Moments gone by and frozen in the corners of my tired brain. Memory will take care of these tokens and hopefully turn them into indelible prints which I can glance at when the past beckons me to abandon the stresses of the present.
Did I tell you about my arcane fixation on men's forear
ms? I love to hold a man's hands, that portion between his hand and his elbow...they are emblems of a man's strength, character, predisposition. Feel his veins, the throbbing of them, it melts me in an unknown way. I know this, the feeling is still palpable...I just held a man's arms this way not so long ago and it was paradise! Strange I know but so positively
It is beautiful to rant and ramble like this. I haven't done it in a long time I think unless I was chopping somebody's head off and making fun of somebody. It is nice to just lay off the steam from the pressure valves like this. Leave intellectuality for a while and just let my hair down. This is therapeutic, this is great
Going back to tearing people to shreds here in my wonderful little space on the net, I can say iI am way past all that now. I can say I am more mellow, a bit more mature, not necessarily friendly but probably less belligerent and a lot more understanding. Although the insanity is still here. Still I think I have managed to parlay myself into a being who has more substance now. Someone who unleashes herself at the right time and definitely in more personal and unobtrusive circumstances.
I think I will stop thinking when I am with him. What we have is something akin to discord in harmony. You know what I mean? There is a detachment to reality when I am in his arms. Yet it is so real and it is so strange and everything we do is spontaneous. He has his kinks and I have mine. We reach a middle ground. There is our harmony.
Ahhh to ramble like this....like a salve to the senses...
I've got you under my skin....I have got you deep in the heart of me..So deep in my heart that....beautiful last song to end my senseless tirade on this warm little space of mine...