adieu too soon...

He was always so vibrant, so energetic, so loquacious and oh so full of life. And yet he is gone now. The world has claimed yet again another friend close to my heart. Hades has exacted his judgement and taken one of my dearest friends. This time this hit closer to home because we really had many fantastic moments together and we have shared pure, unadulterated laughter during the couple of times we have been together.

He was like a lover I would return to whenever I came to Bangkok in Thailand. He had based himself there for more than four years without ever stepping foot back in Cebu once in that same period. I was always amazed at his grit and tenacity to hang on to solitude in a foreign land without seeing close friends and family back home in the Philippines. This was always one feat I admired of him among many attributes he possessed. I labelled him a lover because he seemed to always bring a smile to my face, to infuse fun into an otherwise melancholic day, to find joy in the most minute and the unnecessarily monotonous moments. I valued his opinion and outlook like an author reads his critics. He was always fantastic company when we were together.

He was a whirlwind, a virago of speech and activity. I remember one time in Khao San, the number one backpacker destination in Bangkok and den to many cute and attractive foreign, young faces, he danced in a popular bar like there was nobody else in this world to the amazement, disgust, awe, wonder, and curiosity of the young backpacker crowd who were not dancing but just watching him. It was a hilarious but FUNNY moment. I was smiling and laughing along with him, enjoying the moment of spotlight and attention and yet keeping in the background while he took the flak as well as the kudos and attention and reveled in it! Then I remembered the two of us walking and turning the skywalks of Bangkok into our catwalk, talking as if there were only the two of us in the world with our boisterousness and tactlessness while walking like models in the hot and sweaty city.

One of our favorite hobbies everywhere but most especially while riding the Skytrain was to talk in front of Thais and foreigners alike in the native Cebuano tongue, critique-ing , discussing, praising, flirting and in the parlance of yours truly, "talking behind their backs in front of them!" :) Ohh I treasure those moments! And then I remember one of the rare instances we got serious was when we watched my first movie ever in Bangkok last year, "AntiChrist" which I wrote a blog about last year. He donned his film critic glasses and praised the acting and intensity of the actors in the movie. It was one of the rare insights I had into the serious side of his personality. But then again he always became a bit more sedate when he had sleepless nights or 26-hour days and I would ask to see him or he happened to be in the city and we shared cups of coffee or tea together. These times were rare though. I could very well define him as a fantastic mixture of vegetables simmering in hot soup with all the right sauces in our favorite restaurant in all of Bangkok, MK!!! God I miss him....:-(

The last time I saw him was in January this year, yes in Bangkok. He was on this insane streak of vegetarianism and had become slimmer than the last time I saw him. He seemed fit and healthy to me but of course I am the worst judge of fitness given I adore extreme thinness and starve excessively. But I would never have suspected he had an ailment during that time. I am afraid he indulged in too many activities that sometimes were very excessive, wasteful and too bacchanalian even for me, which I did not approve of which of course I will not disclose here. However I respect that every person deserves an outlet, a valve to let the steam out and I love him to bits to disapprove of it right in front of the person. I wonder though if this reliance and complacence on him being able to handle his lifestyle was fundamental to his eventual detriment.

I did not know he had stepped on Philippine shores until it was too late. Our mutual friend in Bangkok asked me too look at his profile on a silly networking site on the internet and voila! I found facts and fallacies all fabricated for the eyes by people who claimed to have seen or heard news of his demise. It was wrenching for me to learn this from an idiotic site which we all worship but which amounts to nothing when positioned against the realities of everyday life. How did I not know this was coming? How did I fail to follow up on how he was? How could I rely on him being visible and being in the background at all times ready to chat me up whenever I called his name? Lend his presence in Bangkok whenever I happened to go up there for some cosmetic plumbing or hormone restocking? I am at fault in so many angles and yet if he chose to swathe his deterioration in a cloak of mystery and speculation what could I do?

One thing I can say is that, "This is one of the biggest losses of my life." I may be insignificant to him in the sense that he never told me his whereabouts during the last weeks of his life but I can take comfort in the fact that he may have avoided telling me his most painful moments because the memory he wanted ME to keep of him was the cheerful, active and humorous friend I knew him to be during our moments together. Rest in utter happiness my friend, because you were so selfless in giving it to me. Thank you so much Omar....:)