Tuesday, November 11, 2008

musings of an ex-birthday girl

i know i owe everyone a birthday blog!

Not that it's an absolute obligation for me really as my toasted brain rarely allows me to think these days..

But anyway my birthday was a pretty sad one...

As I would describe it whenever my friends asked me how it went and how my brief overseas birthday trip went...uneventful, nothing worth-writing, and even the lowest point of my life... thank God the last description never reached their ears...well it will now if they read this....

My personal life is in shambles. I am a confused creature right now. I don't know what the future has in store for me.

I used to love peanuts and adored him and worshipped him and gave my life to him literally but he hasn't been too forgiving towards me the past coupla weeks...

I guess I can really say what goes around comes around...I wasn't too nice anyway to someone just before my birthday last year when I broke his heart too...I am so sorry if you are reading this my Perth friend. You should be happy I have finally gotten what I took a year but it did come....

And now peanuts keeps on coming back into my life eventhough I want him out of it badly. Calls me landline, my mobile, my mom's mobile....hell if our dog had a mobile I bet he would have been pestering him too....

I don't want him anymore. I'm disillusioned with his promises and thoughts and impatience and yearnings and did I mention promises? I'm tired of the sacrifices, and everything I've ever had to deal with because of him...

I don't think I'm cut out for a life of commitment. I swear I said somewhere in this blog I just want a short life for myself. Short like a butterfly's rather than long like a worm's. So why should I opt for a connection that will bind me to something right?

Please talk to me people. I am really at an all-time low. Look even if you curse me continually I don't care. I guess words will be enough to keep me sane, atrocious or not...


Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Hi Liisa
I know that the end of a relationship doesn’t feel good. But, one bad relationship doesn’t mean that you can’t have a good one. Learn from the past yours and others then move on with your life and once you have healed emotionally, keep your eyes and mind open for someone who will love you, respect you and not try to control you, abuse you, use you or hold your past against you. People who do those things are not good for anyone, not even themselves!
It will take time; don’t rush into another serious relationship too soon. That mistake is commonly made by a lot of people. It is rare for most people to find someone that really loves them the first time they have a serious relationship, just look at the divorce rate in the world or most countries. Lots of people in my country have had several marriages and divorces before they have a lasting one. Some never find a lasting one. Don’t give up until you are much older!

Best Wishes, Ben

Anonymous said...

Hi Liisa,

Hang in there. You will eventually find someone better.

Best Regards,

Paul Gregory said...

Its all part of life Liisa (I love the fact that you have a Finnish name for some reason).
You only experience and appreciate the true highs after you have struggled through some of the darker areas.
And I suppose that old cliche is true - all's fair in love and war. We've all done things that we are not proud of, including you, me and the person who left the original comment here no doubt. But you wake up one morning and put it behind you. Its done. Thinking about it and dwelling on it too much doesn't help anyone, least of all yourself.
You don't have to live a short life as a butterfly - someone like yourself should have much higher expectations. Live a long life as a butterfly.

Worms and butterflies are products of our attitudes and deeds, not our longevity. I know as many elegant elderly butterflies as I do young dull worms. I don't know you, but I read your blog enthusiastically and know you have such potential to really shine. And you DO shine Liisa. So put your hand up and say sorry for whatever your are not proud of, and then let it drift away.... Then turn around, smile at whoever is near you, wish them a good morning and get on with the rest of life.

Have fun this week and Shine on Butterfly

Antony Lockhart said...

Lisa, I'm truly sorry to see you having such a horrible time this year. I doubt the Perth friend you are referring to is me, but since I'm over here too it's hard not to think thers a possibility.

It's been quite some time since I've had the chance to talk to you, but that was your choice and I've respected that.

I hope the coming year is better for you, and if you do wanna have a chat with me again, you know my details i'm sure.

Take Care


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