my hours are totally screwed-up...night becomes day, day becomes night, afternoons become moments of yawning and resuscitation and mornings become hours of completely vegetative comatose on my bed....
for a couple of years now I have been plagued by insomnia...that terrible condition where you just have a hard time letting go of thoughts in your mind which prevent you from having a spectacular sleep...
my condition I think is very unusual...the attacks are cyclical...there will be a string of days or weeks where not even warm milk or counting to infinity and beyond could lull me to sleep...I know it's case to case basis! What works for one may not work for another individual...but MY case is just helpless LOL...nothing works at all hahahahhaa ... no solution in every book i have read or column i have encountered could prevent it from happening...and when i finally manage to enter dreamworld, i have no idea how I even got there hahahahaha!
Then there will be days of fabulous, fantastic, phenomenal slumbers of 8 to 12 hours! They come in strings of days too like strands of pearl in a lace! I have no idea how I would enter into this part of the cycle, I mean I am not even doing anything special or remotely different from my usual routine to be gifted with such an almost sinful luxury in my case hahahaha
anyway i know it's a drastic measure and i should not be even thinking about it but i have resorted to sleeping pills...i know yeah castigate me, whip my ass, lecture me about the hazards of such a popular medication but hey try putting your ass in my place where the minute your mind wipes off a cobweb or two your brain instantly pumps diesel into itself from an unknown source and does not stop running until God knows when! see? i live a hard life too so be easy on the medical gallivantings of the dangers of drug dependence on sleep tabs! hehehehe
i have no idea how i can solve this problem and if you have any suggestions please feel free to pop up a comment or two HAHAHHAA (what a way to solicit comments!!!! LOL)....seriously though i think that first and foremost i will get rid of the quick yet scary solution that sleep tabs give me. and believe me i am starting it now on this trip. I was so lucky to put in 6 hours of sleeptoday without the help of any kind of medication so i should be proud of myself as much as an alcoholic would be proud of reducing four packs of Coors to three and three fourths of a pack a day hahahhaa
well like anything i have ever accomplished before, i figure I should take it a step at a time, little by little....well Rome was not built in a day or a journey of a thousand miles begins with getting your lazy ass off the couch and etc. etc. etc. :) so I guess I will do that...
and so it has begun for me...the road to seeking the elusive animal called 9-hour sleeps and no matter how endangered it has become in this era of work, stress and extreme physical exertion, i continue to pray that he may not go extinct as far as my case is concerned :)
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
HONGKONG FINALLY
what a heck of a time i had at Hongkong immigration!!!!
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
i need some loving.........
call me +85295174533
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
i need some loving.........
call me +85295174533
Monday, May 21, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
walking atop short, gray walls...
in a perfect world, i would be in sixth grade, all sweaty, even smelly like my other playmates but unaware that i was having the grandest time.
this was the most beautiful period of my life where not a whiff of prejudice, social class or difference in sexuality was ever present. My playgroup was a team in the real essence of the word, united, without regards to color of skin or money inside our pockets or family background. We never really understood why we were able to bond together though. There were enough differences to assume we would never be a solid team. But during our free time we found ourselves playing tag, hide and seek, eating together and squealing at each other's miserable test scores. the immeasurable joy of running and climbing through monkeybars and the big slide, the tears over scraped knees and bruised shins, the thrill of the chase and the disregard for toning down the volume of our shouts was a sensation that no other experience can ever come close...
it was also a time of my life when i thought i was going to fall into the arms of my crush and live together with him for all time. i suffered the agony of blushing when he would sit beside me, the torture of friends screaming when he would come within short distance of the group, and the anguish of my grades falling miserably into unfathomable lows after long nights of thoughts of him..
it was also a time of my life surprisingly where I became a little distant from my family. the hours at school had made me looked forward to staying longer simply because of the irresistible temptation of long hours of playtime during class dismissals, which gave me lesser time at home. there was less interaction with siblings, and cousins, that pretty much i almost became a stranger at home. even when with family, i would feel shy when i would run into classmates in the mall or some public place because i would feel because i was not with friends it was a bit unusual...
in this page of the book of my life, you will see the petal of an unknown flower. its color has faded but the smell embraces the whole literary creation of my existence...
this was the most beautiful period of my life where not a whiff of prejudice, social class or difference in sexuality was ever present. My playgroup was a team in the real essence of the word, united, without regards to color of skin or money inside our pockets or family background. We never really understood why we were able to bond together though. There were enough differences to assume we would never be a solid team. But during our free time we found ourselves playing tag, hide and seek, eating together and squealing at each other's miserable test scores. the immeasurable joy of running and climbing through monkeybars and the big slide, the tears over scraped knees and bruised shins, the thrill of the chase and the disregard for toning down the volume of our shouts was a sensation that no other experience can ever come close...
it was also a time of my life when i thought i was going to fall into the arms of my crush and live together with him for all time. i suffered the agony of blushing when he would sit beside me, the torture of friends screaming when he would come within short distance of the group, and the anguish of my grades falling miserably into unfathomable lows after long nights of thoughts of him..
it was also a time of my life surprisingly where I became a little distant from my family. the hours at school had made me looked forward to staying longer simply because of the irresistible temptation of long hours of playtime during class dismissals, which gave me lesser time at home. there was less interaction with siblings, and cousins, that pretty much i almost became a stranger at home. even when with family, i would feel shy when i would run into classmates in the mall or some public place because i would feel because i was not with friends it was a bit unusual...
in this page of the book of my life, you will see the petal of an unknown flower. its color has faded but the smell embraces the whole literary creation of my existence...
im still waiting...
waaaaaaaaaaaa !! im still waiting for you to marry me!!!!!!!!!!!
oh hayden my hayden LOL
oh hayden my hayden LOL
a new language?
the appeal of learning a new language has always been looming in the distance and yet i have never really come around to acting on the acquisition of that skill. it may be the subliminal laziness which summer has brought to my body because for one thing to go out in 35 degrees celsius of climate here in Cebu in the daytime is pure suicide for someone who is a sweaty-betty LOL. naturally the body acts to preserve the little cold left in it by being lethargic...moving slowly...the way reptiles do! hahaha!
i have conjured images or maybe situations where i am in a subway train and then two people stare at me and then talk in their own language, say French. Then I would look at them and then ramble in flawless French at how rude they are for doing it! Hahaha! I know it's crazy but wouldn't it be a surprise if I can shock people like that, less for the meaning of the words I utter, but more on the fact that I happen to know a language other than English and the native Filipino! Hehehe...
well I would love to kick my own ass for being so lazy and unproductive in terms of learning new skills. Well I know I am enhancing my communication skills through chat and writing but I guess this is already an acquired one and i would desire to have another one to add to my bag of tricks hehe...There is no other greater bonus to a beautiful girl than her brilliance and skill in the art of flowing conversation. Ahhh one day I shall fulfill this promise to myself, which is to embrace a new tongue...now I have to next deal with the thought of sitting on a chair, listening to a teacher, and writing notes again LOL
i have conjured images or maybe situations where i am in a subway train and then two people stare at me and then talk in their own language, say French. Then I would look at them and then ramble in flawless French at how rude they are for doing it! Hahaha! I know it's crazy but wouldn't it be a surprise if I can shock people like that, less for the meaning of the words I utter, but more on the fact that I happen to know a language other than English and the native Filipino! Hehehe...
well I would love to kick my own ass for being so lazy and unproductive in terms of learning new skills. Well I know I am enhancing my communication skills through chat and writing but I guess this is already an acquired one and i would desire to have another one to add to my bag of tricks hehe...There is no other greater bonus to a beautiful girl than her brilliance and skill in the art of flowing conversation. Ahhh one day I shall fulfill this promise to myself, which is to embrace a new tongue...now I have to next deal with the thought of sitting on a chair, listening to a teacher, and writing notes again LOL
Friday, May 18, 2007
thank you
to all the avid followers of my blog and to all who comment and make their presence known in such a manner...thank you!!!
NOTE: sorry for the post below this one...it's not really my opinion of men in general but someone from myspace and I thought it amusing to put it there ... hehe
HOPE YOU DO NOT ATTACH THAT COMMENT TO ME :)
NOTE: sorry for the post below this one...it's not really my opinion of men in general but someone from myspace and I thought it amusing to put it there ... hehe
HOPE YOU DO NOT ATTACH THAT COMMENT TO ME :)
Thursday, May 17, 2007
look what i found on myspace haha....
Men are like TOILETS...they are either OCCUPIED,sometimes OUT OF ORDER but what is common is that they are FULL OF SHIT... haha
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
an imminent reality
an acquaintance who lives near where i live committed suicide today...
this could have been just another death in the obituary of the town I live in, or a statistic in the city records...but the sad thing is that i knew her and she was of almost the same age as me and i could say we grew up together in this town except that we were really just mere acquaintances and would just exchange hi's and hello's when we met on the sidewalks. but that was before ... lately though we ever spoke much when we came across each other...
she had many problems and of course everyone in town knew they were not minor ones...life was difficult for her...whether life became hard for her or she made her own life difficult, i never knew...
the sadness about this is I actually really knew her when life was better for her way way before...and perhaps i can say she is one girl who i grew up with and was among the town's children. and i saw the deterioration and the talks surrounding her and then the slow degeneration of her life into one of hardship and physical struggles...and now the tragic ending...
of course i shall never mention her name here but this post is in memory of that girl...and a reminder that death becomes more real simply because she is someone i grew up chronologically with and could have known had we been more understanding of her predicament while she was still alive and struggling....
this could have been just another death in the obituary of the town I live in, or a statistic in the city records...but the sad thing is that i knew her and she was of almost the same age as me and i could say we grew up together in this town except that we were really just mere acquaintances and would just exchange hi's and hello's when we met on the sidewalks. but that was before ... lately though we ever spoke much when we came across each other...
she had many problems and of course everyone in town knew they were not minor ones...life was difficult for her...whether life became hard for her or she made her own life difficult, i never knew...
the sadness about this is I actually really knew her when life was better for her way way before...and perhaps i can say she is one girl who i grew up with and was among the town's children. and i saw the deterioration and the talks surrounding her and then the slow degeneration of her life into one of hardship and physical struggles...and now the tragic ending...
of course i shall never mention her name here but this post is in memory of that girl...and a reminder that death becomes more real simply because she is someone i grew up chronologically with and could have known had we been more understanding of her predicament while she was still alive and struggling....
Friday, May 11, 2007
things of old
recently i have developed a habit of turning on my old casette player and playing the tapes I have on display inside my room. The player and the tapes have been around for the longest time. They had both gathered dust and needed some cleaning. The tapes I hadn't used in a long time and I really don't know what came over me when I put one into the player and listened to it. The next thing I know I was listening to tape after tape. The music filled my room again. Loud volume for the songs I liked and then my nextdoor neighbor would scream so I would turn it down. The listening was quite the experience. It was a dizzying feeling. The music invigorated me again and the memories associated with the sounds also flooded me.
What a beautiful thing it is when you rediscover the beauty of an object you once cherished. The simple things inside your nook which are taken for granted are actually just there waiting to be tapped to give you a sense of appreciation for their presence... presence of which are contingent to why you chose to keep them instead of stuffing them inside dusty closets as rubbish or worse, throwing them to the garbage to be banished forever from your sight! Haha...
Similar to my previous text blog, I think that the significance of objects come up when they are not within your presence anymore. But if you utilize everything you have in your room which in the first place you wondered why they were there I think that you would grasp the idea of how important they are. Because using them is tapping their potential to fulfill a certain task. They do not just become objects for the sight but also to explain why they are still there. If only we can adapt this kind of concept and understanding of our possessions, I think less stuff would go to the garbage and more would become useful until the day they need to be changed or inevitably thrown out...
What a beautiful thing it is when you rediscover the beauty of an object you once cherished. The simple things inside your nook which are taken for granted are actually just there waiting to be tapped to give you a sense of appreciation for their presence... presence of which are contingent to why you chose to keep them instead of stuffing them inside dusty closets as rubbish or worse, throwing them to the garbage to be banished forever from your sight! Haha...
Similar to my previous text blog, I think that the significance of objects come up when they are not within your presence anymore. But if you utilize everything you have in your room which in the first place you wondered why they were there I think that you would grasp the idea of how important they are. Because using them is tapping their potential to fulfill a certain task. They do not just become objects for the sight but also to explain why they are still there. If only we can adapt this kind of concept and understanding of our possessions, I think less stuff would go to the garbage and more would become useful until the day they need to be changed or inevitably thrown out...
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
on the worth of friends...
how gradual our greatest realizations take form! we never see the significance of certain situations until we come face to face one day with the fact that they are here...in our face...so real and so tangible...
we often take for granted the presence of our friends and many important people in our lives. we meet them by chance at the park, a shop, the gas station, or at our favorite restaurant, we promise to call, keep in touch, and shoot an email or a message to their mobiles. Yet we gradually find out that a week, a month, a year has passed by and not a word has been exchanged between us and the friends we met sometime ago, or a millenia ago...
let's face it. we never realize the importance of our pals until they are too far to ever be contacted or called upon. Time and space fill layer upon layer with each moment we forget to keep in touch with them. Until we reach a time when we can no longer recognize them. Or if we can, we are at a loss for words, lack the motor and mental ability of cognition, and simply shrug or nod in a gesture of civility towards a stranger.
the key word in this situation is effort i think. oftentimes we do not try hard enough to seek our friends until they get lost in oblivion. some people though WOULD want to choose to forget certain people too. But i doubt those people would fall in the label of friends.
as for me, I am doing my best to get back to my friends who were with me when i was a bit younger. It was a different world, a different time, a different me, even. i don't know if I just want to relish the good memories or visit and heal the traumas. i just want to see them and see how they are doing. i miss them....i want to see them again....feel nostalgia washing over me....no matter how bad or how good it might be, I'm ready to face the feeling....
we often take for granted the presence of our friends and many important people in our lives. we meet them by chance at the park, a shop, the gas station, or at our favorite restaurant, we promise to call, keep in touch, and shoot an email or a message to their mobiles. Yet we gradually find out that a week, a month, a year has passed by and not a word has been exchanged between us and the friends we met sometime ago, or a millenia ago...
let's face it. we never realize the importance of our pals until they are too far to ever be contacted or called upon. Time and space fill layer upon layer with each moment we forget to keep in touch with them. Until we reach a time when we can no longer recognize them. Or if we can, we are at a loss for words, lack the motor and mental ability of cognition, and simply shrug or nod in a gesture of civility towards a stranger.
the key word in this situation is effort i think. oftentimes we do not try hard enough to seek our friends until they get lost in oblivion. some people though WOULD want to choose to forget certain people too. But i doubt those people would fall in the label of friends.
as for me, I am doing my best to get back to my friends who were with me when i was a bit younger. It was a different world, a different time, a different me, even. i don't know if I just want to relish the good memories or visit and heal the traumas. i just want to see them and see how they are doing. i miss them....i want to see them again....feel nostalgia washing over me....no matter how bad or how good it might be, I'm ready to face the feeling....
Monday, May 7, 2007
hung over
it's only too common...
the pounding headache...
the swirling stomach containing a maelstrom of substances fighting to take charge...
the dry and tasteless tongue...
the parched and dehydrated throat...
the red, bloodshot, and heavy eyes unaccustomed to the afternoon light...
after a night of too many bottles of beer...I am toast....LOL
the pounding headache...
the swirling stomach containing a maelstrom of substances fighting to take charge...
the dry and tasteless tongue...
the parched and dehydrated throat...
the red, bloodshot, and heavy eyes unaccustomed to the afternoon light...
after a night of too many bottles of beer...I am toast....LOL
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Hallelujah!
Well yours truly just had a wonderful verbal joust with a long time "online friend of mine." I can't say enough about the highs and lows of our interactions but it seems this person's actions are indicative of what PEOPLE are capable of doing when they try to suppress how they feel about someone they like.
I am not doing this to degrade SOMEONE but I am happy to say "Eureka!" when realization struck me. I never knew the number of ways feelings are expressed was so infinite that they may be manifested in such a way that they become almost misleading. I know this may not be uncommon to some people but this is entirely new to me. This person led me to believe everything was casual about our conversations but then it got to a point last night that the realization struck me. The behavior manifested by this person showed that indeed misleading me was a ploy to mask the true gamut of emotions running through this individual.
I don't wanna assume too much. But hey this is not my blog if I don't talk about what i feel! Hahaha! Realizations for me are always more positive than negative. They are lessons I pick in the journey I have chosen to take. Today's lesson was that mathematics cannot count the manner human emotions are expressed and what packages people use to mask the true feelings they have. Numbers are not enough definition of how our thoughts work and how our expressions are manifested...
So to you my friend, thank you for making me realize and drink and be merry! Hahahaha!
I am not doing this to degrade SOMEONE but I am happy to say "Eureka!" when realization struck me. I never knew the number of ways feelings are expressed was so infinite that they may be manifested in such a way that they become almost misleading. I know this may not be uncommon to some people but this is entirely new to me. This person led me to believe everything was casual about our conversations but then it got to a point last night that the realization struck me. The behavior manifested by this person showed that indeed misleading me was a ploy to mask the true gamut of emotions running through this individual.
I don't wanna assume too much. But hey this is not my blog if I don't talk about what i feel! Hahaha! Realizations for me are always more positive than negative. They are lessons I pick in the journey I have chosen to take. Today's lesson was that mathematics cannot count the manner human emotions are expressed and what packages people use to mask the true feelings they have. Numbers are not enough definition of how our thoughts work and how our expressions are manifested...
So to you my friend, thank you for making me realize and drink and be merry! Hahahaha!
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
davis classic
I wanted to flagellate myself tonight by guess what?
Listening to sad songs haha!
Have you ever experienced hating a song for being so damn sad but you ended up putting in your Pod so that if there is a time you need a good dose of lyrical AND (not in my case though but maybe sometimes hehe) emotional flagellation, you'd play it over and over? Haha! That's what I just did today. But to tell you honestly the song has been around my player for a while now but i just had the letch to play it over and over at this moment! Hahaha I'm so insane...duh how close I am to describing myself! hahahah
Anyway one sad song stands out among my list haha! This nostalgic old song by Paul Davis called " I go Crazy" makes me so ridiculously soft and I think some pent-up emotion inside comes out but I know it's not sadness. It's a characteristic in me which relates to sadness. I really have a hard time translating it but I think I relate to sad songs really well. It's not that you have to feel so forlorn when you listen to them but I think that relating it to past experiences is the clue to unlocking why I love attuning my ears to them hehe...
Anyway the lyrics of this song are as melancholic as the song itself. I think the words talk about someone crossing paths with a person, whom he or she used to love, in some random place. I'm sure both of them had something really special going on when they were together. The feeling comes rushing back again but there is a finality to the gap between them! Haha foolish interpretation right? So hideously depressing but hell it's what I want to believe so it's good enough hehe...
Seriously this Paul Davis classic touches me like no other. I cannot explain why but probably what i wrote about how I envision the scenario in the music to be factors so much in my liking it. It probably happened to me in an earlier life not this one. I know of no one who has struck too much emotion in me yet so I guess that scene will never be carried out in my life as of now. If someone can get close, I would never feel that icky icky feeling if i run into him in some random place because he was pretty forgettable haha! I guess I'm also equating it to some boys I have had crushes before but never returned the interest. I know it's ridiculous but that situation is the closest I can think of with respect to the allure of the Paul Davis legend. :)
Listening to sad songs haha!
Have you ever experienced hating a song for being so damn sad but you ended up putting in your Pod so that if there is a time you need a good dose of lyrical AND (not in my case though but maybe sometimes hehe) emotional flagellation, you'd play it over and over? Haha! That's what I just did today. But to tell you honestly the song has been around my player for a while now but i just had the letch to play it over and over at this moment! Hahaha I'm so insane...duh how close I am to describing myself! hahahah
Anyway one sad song stands out among my list haha! This nostalgic old song by Paul Davis called " I go Crazy" makes me so ridiculously soft and I think some pent-up emotion inside comes out but I know it's not sadness. It's a characteristic in me which relates to sadness. I really have a hard time translating it but I think I relate to sad songs really well. It's not that you have to feel so forlorn when you listen to them but I think that relating it to past experiences is the clue to unlocking why I love attuning my ears to them hehe...
Anyway the lyrics of this song are as melancholic as the song itself. I think the words talk about someone crossing paths with a person, whom he or she used to love, in some random place. I'm sure both of them had something really special going on when they were together. The feeling comes rushing back again but there is a finality to the gap between them! Haha foolish interpretation right? So hideously depressing but hell it's what I want to believe so it's good enough hehe...
Seriously this Paul Davis classic touches me like no other. I cannot explain why but probably what i wrote about how I envision the scenario in the music to be factors so much in my liking it. It probably happened to me in an earlier life not this one. I know of no one who has struck too much emotion in me yet so I guess that scene will never be carried out in my life as of now. If someone can get close, I would never feel that icky icky feeling if i run into him in some random place because he was pretty forgettable haha! I guess I'm also equating it to some boys I have had crushes before but never returned the interest. I know it's ridiculous but that situation is the closest I can think of with respect to the allure of the Paul Davis legend. :)
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