Of Seahorses and Flounders

What is attraction? The word draws a whole gamut of definitions, meanings that are significant to the beholder as well as the object of one's adoration. Oh I beg your pardon. The object does not have to necessarily be aware of the attention and hypnotism he or she incites in the beholder but wouldn't it be more just if he or she at least takes notice? But the world is not fair and justice is almost ephemeral etcetera etcetera and so we shall have to say attraction may just have to be one-fold :)

I was visiting a friend's gallery and I was fascinated by the underlying theme of his exhibit. It was not only mere artsy photographic images of extraordinary individuals but it was also the intellectual-dissectional comparisons he made of actual images of male to female and female to male transsexuals to objects, animals, mechanisms, vanities, religious and cultural icons and vanities. He cleverly juxtaposed, attached, superimposed, even realigned human parts with unconventional appendagesto convey his thoughts, philosophies, mythology and artistry. Sex-altering flounders, gender-role bending seahorses, the spokes and mechanical structure of a simple machine, pagan images, anatomical systems of insects and canines, phalluses and female canals were just among the many figures of symmetrical dissections and comparative representations he set up to compliment the images of his beautiful subjects

The above event would have sounded good enough for a blog entry but no I have to impose my authority here and write this crucible of a thought out haha... Although his artistry is superb undeniable and incomparable it is this one individual in one of his pictures that has haunted me. I have seen this person in his social network of friends for some time now and I have always considered him to be a very very attractive man. Until my friend shattered me yesterday by saying this person was once a woman!!!!!! He was Female-to-Male! I was like at a loss for words, not so much flabbergasted but maybe in some ways shocked at this revelation. How strange a stirring it caused inside me and how revealing at the same time of this side of my personality it has become!

BUT the more ARCANE reality is that this divine divulgence my friend made about his friend has only served to coat this individual in ENIGMA. I looked once again and concentrated looking at him and it was unmistakeable. Not an ounce of femininity could be found in him! He looked just like any other bloke on the street who I would give more than a second glance because of how handsome he was! The facial hair as well as the structure all pointed to masculinity! Please do not mistake me. I perfectly respect him as an individual and think in more than a hundred ways that he is MAN. But i am just fascinated that transformation with the right hormones and chemical reactions can occur both ways too! Are we capable of manipulating attractiveness by controlling our hormonal makeup? OF COURSE! Look who's asking! Hehehehehe

I am attracted to this person. But yes going back to the lack of justice in our world, he doesn't know it. And I think I may choose to keep it that way. He probably wants his privacy because there may be a lot of bigotry or discrimination where he lives AND the bigger impediment is he may have a partner so I think it would be a tad too invasive if I meddle with affairs that are beyond me. I have to marvel from afar. But what is more disturbing I think is WHAT does THIS ATTRACTION to him MAKE ME? What label is to be attached to someone like me who is attracted to someone like him who is an F-T-M transformista? Does the "if it moves, looks and feels like a man, it probably is" principle DEFINE me as a STRAIGHT woman too, naturally attracted to a STRAIGHT man?

How unusual for me to admit that I am in a state of ambiguity at this moment too! I love the gay men and now I may indulge in something unknown to me because it is pleasing to the eye. What's next? Oh no not zoophilia please! That would be too extreme for me and for you presumably, you who adore me for me! hahahaha

(PS thank you to http://citizenchris.typepad.com/citizenchris/dc/ for the second picture which is that of transgendered FTM Adam Dahl. I am grateful!)