outside looking in....

i thought people were going to condemn me for the intellectual decline of my blog. But is there really such a thing as a decline in my case? I hardly have an inkling if there is but i do know that there is so much room for variety in my life. I am very spontaneous and i am very random. But you have to take into account that there is just too much occupying the hemisphere called my mind and they cannot all be written with just one go. Therefore it cannot be pointed out that the similar momentum with which some of my entries in my internet diary seem to indicate are slides into oblivion and the rusting of my intellectual capacities. Why? First of all there are enemies of many forms which prevent me from producing blog writings like a cookie-cutter worker. Laziness, time and definitely the presence or absence of the tenacity to use depth and skill in weaving words into syntax into supreme ideas are the biggest factors towards scribbling all of the thoughts and events that commence in my life. As if that is not difficult enough, the mere task of deconstructing and analysing each and every phenom of my own reality is quite a labor for my rotting husk called brain LOL.

Add to that the randomness with which I do things considering time and space and moment and context and then the lack of diversity sometimes when the topics become too singular in substance, these all coalesce to burden me with the guilt of lack of coverage (wow it took me a long time to get to that word!) and scope in my presentations. But certainly that is far from the case. Each entry is a depiction of the exact emotional and mental quadrant I am in. Each story is different although you may notice a certain trend but behind each and every one of them is a painstaking effort to create and recreate that single, momentuous flick so you may personally experience an event that was similar to my own.

I might have written stuff like the more recent ones example of which are lots of music and show business and political nonsense because I am on vacation, so everything that relaxes and is care-free and is devoid of tension oozes from my fingers onto my keypads and onto the small box ironically called writing space.

Then again when you look back there are also writings which are very intense, personal and extremely as close-to-home as they can get. That also is indicative of the mode of thinking I was in during that sliver of my life and perhaps even my current location as sometimes there really are feelings that need release and wind-blowing valves to satisfy my inner and ever-questioning being.

And then there are some entries that are far from fair and unbiased and almost unethical especially the ones that are open criticisms of other people. Guess what though? I am not apologetic for any of them. Why? Because as this is a personal space where I destroy caveats of any form and let my artistic and psychotic seventh or tenth or second personality roam free, because I have sworn never to subdue myself so in the grandest of terms I shall maintain my integrity and disregard external pressure of any form which prevents my freedom from being exercised in my personal haven.

If the social boundaries called norms and structures attack and cloud and vacuum us all throughout the day, then we have more than enough reason to manufacture a bubble which people cannot penetrate. This in my case is the altar of my artistry, the bible of my demented forays into questioning the realities and surrealities of life and in the end the only lover I can rely on when I am truly alone...my blog....