avian creature for sale....

the biggest trap I have created is my own...

whether it was set up with purpose or not, it seems that the bars of my own cage is stronger than steel, and as close to each other as molecules in a solid matter...an inescapable space...

I have often told myself, I am a person of many unbelievable qualities. I should be confident, firm and proud of myself...and yet not once in my life have I ever felt so inept, and incapable than little more than a few hours ago when realization struck me that I was enshrouded in a life that prevented me from enjoying the raw and natural me. In a serious conversation I found out that I was never really happy. I was never really free. I was living a caricature life. I was a drawing inside the four lines of a quadrilateral in an editorial. My life is one big boardgame. Every moment is a chessboard move. Calculated, unnatural, awkward and very stiff....governed by the machinations of rules and moves.

What is this Venus fly-trap I am in? It is unlike any wall I have ever faced. What kind of glass encases me that I can see and even appreciate the beauty, dynamism and positivity of others and yet I am unable to feel natural and let them feel that this is what I am?

In a world where masks are necessary to let the world know that we are not just mere pawns but also a character which has worth, significance and value, I am geisha. You will not recognize me because of the pallor of the paint that criss-crosses my face, the crimson hue that caresses my lips, and the comical shades that slices through my eyes.

My movements are the theatrical motions of Geppetto's creations....attached to every joint of my being are strings which are pulled by the selfish desires and wants of a cruel world. I will move with the dip of a forefinger or the tap of a thumb because the hands that move me are the hands of materialism, greed and distorted views of what is deemed beautiful and what is not.

I am not so special after all. I just realized it.

Burn in Hell scallawag!!!!

to the one who has been flagging my ads and trying to have them deleted as a result..

kiss my ass...your face sucks dick...you're a fat-ass, big bellied moroness (it's a SHE i have nothing against guys hehehe) who has been called a man with long hair HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

pathetic isn't it? but i am so FLATTERED though!!! because if she is flagging my ad and trying to have me deleted then i am certainly a worthy adversary because she is threatened and scared to hell because of what I possess and what she doesn't!!!! hahahahaha.....

to quote the great Allanah Starr, " I would not suck your dick bitch if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls."

Hahahahahahahahhaa

Siempre viva!!!!

a tonne of thank you's, an ounce of apology!

thank you to all the people who always take the time to visit my blog, read my entries and most of all WHO MAKE THEIR PRESENCE ACKNOWLEDGED by posting COMMENTS on my entries...

this temple of insanity has garnered a lot more followers than I would have anticipated! hahaha! please do spread the gospel of my hormonal imbalanced rantings by linking me to your blogs, websites and (as the cute bald guy in "The King and I" said) etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.....

and a small apology to all of you because i did not notice that the settings for the comments HAMPERED non gmail or blogspot members from posting a comment...BUT I HAVE CHANGED THAT! hehehe so now even if you don't register for an account with them YOU CAN NOW COMMENT, write and object and bitch and insult the wench that I am when you feel something is missing, inaccurate, biased, racist, sexist, anti-Semitic, anti-Christ, demonic, Gothic... etc., etc. etceteraaaaa hehehehe

hugs and kisses to you all!!!! I love you guys!
Liisa

advice for the young at heart...

i have to be the only one in Singapore right now who has "Advice for the Young at Heart" and Head Over Heels" on her pod unless someone has a titanic megabyte memory Pod which houses all the music ever created and which are as varied as Italian arias to Indian chants to the top ten songs in the US BillBoard Charts...right? hehehe I knew you would say yes....but maybe not...

But if you are a fan of one of the biggest influences in my love for music, the well-loved but slightly underrated "Tears for Fears" then you have those songs obviously on your music player I believe. No other music from my childhood has ever been as emblazoned on my brain as theirs. Well except for Madonna but then no one ever forgets Madonna anyway LOL. And what is so weird about their music is I have no idea why I have loved listening to them then and why I continue to love listening to them now!

You do have to agree with me though, the band's lead singer, Roland Orzabal, has a very distinct voice which can soar to very difficult falsettos for the normal male singer. I mean you can find their songs on any karaoke bar songlist I would assume but very few men would actually probably dare to sing their songs because of the degree of difficulty. But then again we are digressing from the main point here. Orzabal, in my opinion, has one of the most flexible voices in the music industry so far. I have heard many male singers but technically it's one of the reasons why I love him. And I love male singers who can simplify a high note by not shouting or screaming at the microphone...hehehe...

Also I have to admit, 80's music lyrics had so much weight to them...there is so much meaning to the words and the sentences and the song that that is probably one of the reasons I have many songs from that period in my pod. Tears for Fears' songs were songs which carried so much undertone to them. I can somehow visualize the words in their songs real well although basically it's Orzabal's voice which I like listening to. It also helps that in my mind the beats which filter the songs take me to a time when in moments of fun and games with cousins, the faint music of the electric guitar strummings of Tears for Fears from my hippy/grunge-esque male cousin's casette player inside his room would penetrate the musical environment along with our shouts and screams and yehey's and hurrah's.

It could be a combination of nostalgia, musical preference, personal significance, and awe at pure vocal power which has led me to love this band and their songs. But then I think I am being crazy by trying to disseminate and dissect what I love about this band. It's practical to say I am giving myself a headache where there should have been none but just pure enjoyment at feeling the embrace of Orzabal's voice when he sings:

"And when I think of you and all the love that's due I'll make a promise - I'll make a stand...

Cos to these big brown eyes, this comes as no surprise We've got the whole wide world in our hands "

or when he belts:

"We will find you acting on your best behavior ...Turn your back on Mother Nature.... Everybody wants to rule the world"

or when he haunts me with:

"Shout, Shout.... Let it all out ....These are the things I can do without... Come on.... I'm talking to you Come on... "

or when he makes me succumb to:

"I wanted to be with you alone....And talk about the weather...

But traditions I can trace against the child in your face....Wont escape my attention...

You keep your distance with a system of touch...And gentle persuasion......."

Long live "Tears for Fears!" Their music rules and their musical legacy lives on!! They have been such a big influence in my musical preferences and of course in terms of getting lyrically orgasmic with male vocalists...hahahahahhaa!!!!

mugshots

Headline News:
CAPTURED: GRAND HEIRESS of alleged cappo di tutti cappi of Sicily...
Crime: uninhibited purchase of various women's goods, excess baggage punishable by airport tax duties, and possessing arrestingly cute looks while cruising shopping areas and coffee shops

Verdict: Guilty beyond doubt and without any question....

images of hongkong...

okay i am not the greatest photographer when it comes to landscapes, buildings as i am almost not the best person BEHIND the camera hahahahahaha

but i made the effort to give you a small glimpse of my current location and I hope you all recognize the faulty images are NOISY (in the photographic lingo hehe) but they were done with an effort to keep my hands steady and tried adjusting the settings

but anyway what do you care this is my blog, my space, my temple of insanity and hormonal mood swings hahahahha kiddinggg... have fun viewing them!!!

ill hopefully take some more once i am not too busy *wink* *wink*....and it feels good going out and playing tourist too hehehe...

first two or three pics are the view from outside my place....and don't you just adore the view???? i mean shops, shops and shops all around with them bags, clothes and shoes all waiting for the whore of a shopper that I am???? hahahahahahha

i don't know this spot but I think this is Yee Woo Street...correct me if I'm wrong ok?

Tram....and double decker buses...all around....they are also in Singapore too, them buses but I have never sat up in the second level...hmm maybe it's about time I should...but I'm always seated near the driver because I have to tell him where I want to be dropped off and also I want some form of assistance before I get lost hahahahha

Times Square...it's like a high-end mall or something but I'm more interested in the shops surrounding the area though :)

well and what do you know? I caught a glimpse of some action in this eatery where a guy was actually shouting his lungs out at the owner and the vendors! I think they offended him or something but he was already bashing merchandise around so I quickly scuttled off after I caught him in the act with my camera before he turned his attention to the crowd LOL

view from Four Seasons Hotel.....

IFC mall in Central

ok that's about it! more to come soon! hopefully i'll take images and places which are a bit further from my area :) and better views too...and better composition and more ....

views with the sunlight on yeah yeah i know i been lazy to get up while the sun is up and about...so I'll kick my ass and get around to doing it for you hugs and kisses

P.S. give me some loving...+85295174533

Mr. Juanito.... Reading 5

isn't it striking how some moments in our lives are etched forever in our brain for no apparent reason?

one of those moments in my tired existence is a simple class reading of a literary piece...a poem...in our Literature class when i was in fifth grade...

The poem is entitled "Be the Best of whatever you can be"

I remember some lines and have forgotten the others but the essence is embedded inside my pathetic self...

One of the lines is:
"Whether you are a mighty oak or a humble bush, be the best of whatever you can be..."

Life has become very unpredictable for me...if you would ask me 15 years ago if I would become what I am today, I would stare at you incredulously in an act of defiance and ridicule. I would have told you, "I would be an engineer fifteen years from now. I would be successful, progressive, and I would attend Sunday church once a week...." I would be the storybook life with the happy ending, the life that my parents have laid out for me. A cookie-cutter existence...

But life is not a movie script...it is not prewritten...your father cannot be the director of the motion picture of your life...your mother cannot decide the climaxes and plots of your play...

I cannot say I am completely happy nor completely sad about the cards life has dealt me... I know I never was able to fit the mould my mother and father tried to create for me. But they cannot blame me too for veering away from their best-laid plans. After all what power do I have to control the effects of an unhappy childhood, parental misguidance, peer maltreatment and early sexual awakenings among other factors?

If ever there is something I can be proud of it would be that even if I was a pathetic weed in the eyes of society, I can clearly say I am a healthy, highly parasitic and among the fastest-growing of wild grasses. I served out my role well in the plant world, didn't I? Because given those qualities I am among the best of the weeds! If people spit at me because I never became a stately pinetree then so be it. We all have our place in the ecosystem called the world. Not all of us can become giant redwoods. Life is too short to try and grow to become a massive sequoia when all you can ever be is a rootless mushroom....

As my professor in Reading and among the most influential figures in my aptitude for English and Literature said after the reading of the poem, "Find your place in life and flourish in it!" Boy was he right...

I will never forget that poem, that lesson, that discussion, that room, that subject, that professor....

kindergarten winklergirl

somebody requested for these pictures...and so i shall place them in my academy of insanity and lucid thoughts! LOL

hugs and kisses to my french pal!!!!

by the way still in Hongkong +85295174533 until June 12 then off to Singapore :)

blast in hongkong!!!

sorry for the lack of communication guys waaaaaaaaaa!!! i have to lug my laptop to this place's business center grrrrrrr

hongkong was a blast...thank you to the people who made it possible!!!! you know who you are and one day i may find the courage...and enCOURAGE you as well to post your names here errrrr... maybe not LOL

still here in Causway Bay, Hongkong until the 12th of Tuesday then will move on to...

Singapore here i come!!!!

i have not taken pictures for chrissakes too!! LOL what a shame...

here is one...blast from the past

an elusive creature...

my hours are totally screwed-up...night becomes day, day becomes night, afternoons become moments of yawning and resuscitation and mornings become hours of completely vegetative comatose on my bed....


for a couple of years now I have been plagued by insomnia...that terrible condition where you just have a hard time letting go of thoughts in your mind which prevent you from having a spectacular sleep...


my condition I think is very unusual...the attacks are cyclical...there will be a string of days or weeks where not even warm milk or counting to infinity and beyond could lull me to sleep...I know it's case to case basis! What works for one may not work for another individual...but MY case is just helpless LOL...nothing works at all hahahahhaa ... no solution in every book i have read or column i have encountered could prevent it from happening...and when i finally manage to enter dreamworld, i have no idea how I even got there hahahahaha!

Then there will be days of fabulous, fantastic, phenomenal slumbers of 8 to 12 hours! They come in strings of days too like strands of pearl in a lace! I have no idea how I would enter into this part of the cycle, I mean I am not even doing anything special or remotely different from my usual routine to be gifted with such an almost sinful luxury in my case hahahaha

anyway i know it's a drastic measure and i should not be even thinking about it but i have resorted to sleeping pills...i know yeah castigate me, whip my ass, lecture me about the hazards of such a popular medication but hey try putting your ass in my place where the minute your mind wipes off a cobweb or two your brain instantly pumps diesel into itself from an unknown source and does not stop running until God knows when! see? i live a hard life too so be easy on the medical gallivantings of the dangers of drug dependence on sleep tabs! hehehehe

i have no idea how i can solve this problem and if you have any suggestions please feel free to pop up a comment or two HAHAHHAA (what a way to solicit comments!!!! LOL)....seriously though i think that first and foremost i will get rid of the quick yet scary solution that sleep tabs give me. and believe me i am starting it now on this trip. I was so lucky to put in 6 hours of sleeptoday without the help of any kind of medication so i should be proud of myself as much as an alcoholic would be proud of reducing four packs of Coors to three and three fourths of a pack a day hahahhaa

well like anything i have ever accomplished before, i figure I should take it a step at a time, little by little....well Rome was not built in a day or a journey of a thousand miles begins with getting your lazy ass off the couch and etc. etc. etc. :) so I guess I will do that...

and so it has begun for me...the road to seeking the elusive animal called 9-hour sleeps and no matter how endangered it has become in this era of work, stress and extreme physical exertion, i continue to pray that he may not go extinct as far as my case is concerned :)

HONGKONG FINALLY

what a heck of a time i had at Hongkong immigration!!!!

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

i need some loving.........


call me +85295174533

milestone...

wow i got three comments this time from three different people!!!

thank you so much for following my blog and you all know who you are ...

more commentssssssssssssss and of course this is very motivating for me to extract the best from my toasted brain LOL :D

cheers!!!

walking atop short, gray walls...

in a perfect world, i would be in sixth grade, all sweaty, even smelly like my other playmates but unaware that i was having the grandest time.

this was the most beautiful period of my life where not a whiff of prejudice, social class or difference in sexuality was ever present. My playgroup was a team in the real essence of the word, united, without regards to color of skin or money inside our pockets or family background. We never really understood why we were able to bond together though. There were enough differences to assume we would never be a solid team. But during our free time we found ourselves playing tag, hide and seek, eating together and squealing at each other's miserable test scores. the immeasurable joy of running and climbing through monkeybars and the big slide, the tears over scraped knees and bruised shins, the thrill of the chase and the disregard for toning down the volume of our shouts was a sensation that no other experience can ever come close...

it was also a time of my life when i thought i was going to fall into the arms of my crush and live together with him for all time. i suffered the agony of blushing when he would sit beside me, the torture of friends screaming when he would come within short distance of the group, and the anguish of my grades falling miserably into unfathomable lows after long nights of thoughts of him..

it was also a time of my life surprisingly where I became a little distant from my family. the hours at school had made me looked forward to staying longer simply because of the irresistible temptation of long hours of playtime during class dismissals, which gave me lesser time at home. there was less interaction with siblings, and cousins, that pretty much i almost became a stranger at home. even when with family, i would feel shy when i would run into classmates in the mall or some public place because i would feel because i was not with friends it was a bit unusual...

in this page of the book of my life, you will see the petal of an unknown flower. its color has faded but the smell embraces the whole literary creation of my existence...